Alive
by PMakepeace98
Summary: What if Tris didn't die? What if people thought she was dead though? She is in the Bureau being tortured by David with her not so dead parents and Uriah. 2 Years after Allegiant they escape and make it back to Chicago. The first person they go to is Tobias. What happens when Tobias finds out everything Tris has been through? I don't own Divergent. Sorry, includes infanticide.
1. Escape

Alive

Chapter 1: Escape

When I wake the only thing I can feel is the numbness in my back and the soreness on my limbs from sleeping on the cold, hard floor. I've been beaten too many times to be able to feel the excruciating pain it used to bring. Now it's just numb.

I sit up and look to the other side of the room where my parents and Uriah are huddled together, whispering god knows what to each other.

I know, I was shocked too. I thought I was dead at first but I'm not. I'm alive. They're alive. We've just been held captive for the last two years. In the Bureau. David, the person who shot me is the one who held us captive. We've been trying to escape, but we haven't been able to. He's been beating us, sending us through fear simulations, torturing us, and doing other things to us since we got here. I've been getting the worse treatment. We only get one meal a day and we're all skinny as hell, sometimes I wonder why we're still alive.

Especially me.

I've lost the most blood since we got here, and I've been given less to eat. But at times the three people I am captivated with give me some of their food.

My parents were the first ones here. Then Uriah. Then me.

Things have happened.

Horrible.

Terrible.

Things.

Mostly to me.

"What are you guys talking about?" I ask.

The room we are in is a clinical white colour. There are no beds or anything to sit on, all we have is the floor, the four walls and each other.

There are blood splatters on the walls. There are blood puddles on the floor. All dried up and horrible. There is puddles of puke as well. Two covered piles in a corner to hide some of the bad memories.

They don't clean this place.

Ever.

The blood just brings back all the memories.

Most of it is my blood.

"We're escaping today." My dad says.

"Really?" I question hopefully.

I want to go home.

I want to see him.

Tobias.

I need him.

I know he thinks I'm dead.

But I need him.

I love him.

I have never stopped loving him.

I never will stop loving him.

"Yeah, we have a plan sorted out. But you aren't doing anything, okay." Uriah informs me.

I just nod.

"How are you feeling, sweetie?" Mum says, concerned.

"Numb. When are we getting out of here?"

"As soon as someone opens the door."

That means as soon as someone comes to get one of us for our daily torture, most likely me, or someone comes with our daily meal, but that doesn't happen until night time.

…

I don't know how long has passed of us sitting there, talking. But as we do all I can think about is going home. Seeing Tobias again.

I've told my parents about him. They love him without having met him, yet.

But I don't know how I'm supposed to tell him everything that has happened to me. Or if he has moved on. Or if he still loves me. Or wants me. I don't even know if he lives in the same apartment as he used to.

All I know is that I need him.

I love him.

I get nightmares all the time.

I have scars and bruises lining my body.

A lot of what I've been through involves him.

The door bursts open and two guards enter, making their way over to me.

My three companions rise and start beating them, which shocks me.

I know my mum and Uriah used to be Dauntless but my dad wasn't. Sure, he shot a few people during the war but he's never beaten anybody.

Soon the guards are unconscious and my mum helps me stand.

Then… we run.

My mum and Uriah took the guns the guards had on them so they shoot every other guard we come across.

My dad helps me because I still have fresh wounds that haven't healed properly.

We get out of the building and run to the nearest truck, which has the key in the ignition, luckily.

My parents and I get in the back and Uriah drives, somehow remembering the way back to the city.

Our old home.

On the way my mum moves me so I'm on my front and she lifts up my gown, which is the only thing I'm wearing.

My dad gets the first aid kit that is in every truck and they clean my wounds that have never been cleaned or bandaged before, because no one has given us anything to do it with.

They have wounds too, but not as many as I have.

They bandage me up and help me sit again.

My mum finds some food and water and we all take sips of the refreshing drink, even Uriah, my mum helps him as he is driving as fast as he can back to the city. We also nibble on the food, my mum helping Uriah again.

She's become like a mum to him, and my dad like a dad. We've been together through so much that we're like a family.

"Sweetie, do you mind if we check your other wounds on the way?" Mum asks me.

By other wounds she means the ones that aren't on my back. The ones that are on my arms and legs, my stomach, my chest, I have a scar along my forehead as well.

I just nod and she starts with my arms and legs. Cleaning every scar, both new and old, and bandaging the ones that need the cover.

Then she lifts up my top again, showing the scars on the front of my body.

I look down and realise I'm too skinny. You can see my ribs too clearly, and my collar bones, my stomach is too small. But my tattoos are fine. They're still intact.

There are scars everywhere.

She cleans them and bandages the ones that need it before pulling my top back down and giving me something else to eat.

…

I don't know how long we have been driving for when Uriah stops the truck.

I look outside and see that we are outside the Dauntless compound.

I get out of the truck and run in the directions of Tobias' old apartment.

It is night time. No one is around in the Pit or anywhere.

I just run.

I know the others are following me, I can hear their footsteps and them calling my name, loudly, but quietly so they don't wake anyone.

I stop outside of his apartment and just stand there.

Not knowing what to do but also knowing.

Knowing what to do.

Knowing that he will probably hate me.

Knowing that he probably doesn't love me anymore.

Knowing he probably has someone else in his life.

Knowing he's going to be shocked to see all of us here, alive, when we're supposed to be dead.

Knowing he will want answers that I don't know I can give him, yet.

The others join me and I knock, weakly on the door.

I feel weak and I know that some of my scars are bleeding from all the running.

I expect him not to answer.

But he opens the door.

He looks at us.

Shocked.

"Tris?" He says after a few seconds.

He looks the same. Apart from the tear-stained cheeks. The blood shot eyes, which are still the same deep blue as they were last time I saw him. He's only two years older.

I start to feel weaker.

"Tobias." I whisper before I fall to my knees and all I can see is black.

Tobias' POV:

Tris falls to the floor and I catch her, putting an arm around her shoulder and another under her knees.

I rush her to my bed and lay her on it gently.

I hear the door shut and I see three people walk in, three people I didn't realise were there before.

Natalie Prior, Andrew Prior and Uriah Pedrad.

"Why are you all alive?" I question, still shocked to find these four people alive on my doorstep. One of them being the love of my life.

They all look different though. They're all skinnier and covered in scars. But Tris, my Tris looks the worst. She's still beautiful but she's the skinniest, and has way more scars than they do, if it's not scars then its bandages. Hardly any skin is visible.

"Tobias, how about we sort Tris out then we'll explain everything to you, I swear." Natalie says.

I nod and Natalie and Andrew turn Tris so she is on her stomach, Uriah leaves the room.

They lift up her gown, which is the only thing she's wearing and there is a large bandage on her back which blood is seeping through.

The peel it off and the sight makes me want to cry.

There are more scars on her back than there are on mine. I can see the line where her spine is because she's so skinny. Too skinny.

They clean her up and re-bandage her before pulling her gown down.

"Wait, she can change into a shirt of mine. She needs something clean and comfortable." I say.

They nod and I get a shirt from my drawer, its dark grey and is long enough to fit on her as a night gown.

I give it to Natalie, along with some boxers so that Tris can cover up, and she changes Tris into them, as she does I see more and more scars covering her stomach and chest, her arms and legs. Everywhere.

I notice that as Natalie pulls the t-shirt over Tris' stomach that she rubs it sadly, twice. Why would she rub her stomach?

When she's done she pulls the comforter over Tris and they walk out of the room after kissing her forehead.

I just keep looking at Tris, in shock.

The person I love has been hurt and I wasn't there for her, to help her.

I sit next to her on the bed and take her small, skinny hand in mine. I kiss her lips gently.

"I'm sorry." I whisper to her before standing and joining the three other not dead people in the living room. They are sitting on the large sofa together so I sit on the single arm chair.

"Tell me everything." I instruct.

"We'll tell you what Tris wants us to tell you. In her own time, she'll tell you the rest." Andrew says.

I nod.

They tell me how after they 'died', Natalie and Andrew, they woke up and David told them they were being held captive for the rest of their lives. He started beating them and sending them through fear simulations. They were only allowed one small meal a day. They explain about how Uriah joined them and David started doing the same to him. Then Tris joined them and she was the one who got the worst treatment. She was fed less. Beaten more. Tortured more. She went through a lot more than any of them did. They've been trying to get out for ages but things held them back. They were caught on some occasions, but this time it worked and they're free. They tell me Tris has been through so much and she needs me to be there for her. They talk about how she was always talking about me and they thank me for looking after her for them.

I know they're hiding something.

Something big.

I can sense it.

"What are you hiding?"

"Tris will tell you in her own time, Tobias. She's scared. She's been through so, so much. More than any eighteen year old should have to go through. She needs you to be patient with her, she will tell you." Andrew says.

"I want to know so I can help her. What's so big that you can't tell me?"

"Four, man, just…"

"No, I want to know. I need to know what happened to her. I thought she was dead but instead she's been tortured for two years and I wasn't there with her. Please just tell me." I cut Uriah off, I have tears in my eyes.

I need to know.

I need to know everything.

"Wait, I saw earlier, when you were changing her, you rubbed her stomach twice. What does that mean?" I ask as the tears start to pour down my cheeks.

Natalie looks like she's going to cry as well, all of them do.

Something bad happened.

I know it did.

"Tell me!" I practically yell.

"Tobias…" I hear Tris say.

I turn and find her standing in the doorway of my bedroom. She's crying.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just want to know what David put you through. So I can try and help. I've gone two years without you, I missed you, so, so much. I just…"

"I know. I missed you, too. Can you come in here, please?" She asks quietly.

I nod. I tell the others they can stay here tonight, that there is a spare room and some spare blankets in the cupboard down the hall so one of them can sleep on the sofa.

I walk into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I lead Tris back to the bed and we sit on it, her back against the headboard and my side against it so I can face her.

She's still crying.

What did that bastard put her through?

"I'll tell you what they won't tell you. I told them not to tell you so I can do it in person. You know about the beatings, the fear landscapes, the torture… but there's some other things you need to know."

"You don't have to tell me now. I just want to be able to help you."

"I have to tell you now. If I don't, then I don't know if I ever will…"

"Take your time."

She nods.

"You know in the Bureau, when we had… you know what-"

I nod.

"Three weeks after I arrived in the cell I started puking, and I missed my period. My mum suggested that I could be pregnant, and that I should try and hold the sick in because if David found out then bad things would happen. So I did. I held the sick in. Nine weeks later I started getting a bump, so I realised I was actually pregnant. I was kinda happy because I'd have something to remember you by if I never made it out. But, two weeks later the gown couldn't hide my bump anymore, David found out… he stabbed me, in the stomach, in front of my parents and Uriah, and the baby… died. They never cleaned the room we were in so there was blood everywhere, and our baby was in the corner of the room. Small and lifeless. Covered in blood. I couldn't handle it so my dad had to rip off a piece of his gown to cover the baby up, so we didn't have to see him or her. But they were still there, and we knew that…"

I'm crying.

We're both crying.

I was going to be a father and he killed our baby.

"There's more…" She says, trailing off.

How can there be more?

He's put her more than just killing her child? Our child?

That fucking bastard!

I'm going to kill him.

"About a month after I lost our baby he started getting random men, most of them were guards, to… rape me. Without protection. It wasn't long before I got pregnant again. I was so angry. I couldn't handle it. But David, he let the child live throughout the nine months you're supposed to be pregnant. I knew he was planning something. I knew that he was going to make me even angrier. I knew he was going to break me even more than he already had. I went into labour, my parents and Uriah were the only ones who helped me through it. It lasted hours but as soon as I had the baby in my arms David rushed in, he took my child out of my arms and slit its throat right in front of us. He dropped her to the floor and left. I realised he only let the baby live that long to break me, so it wasn't your children I would give birth to. Or my first child birth would be because a guy raped me and not because I had sex with the man I love. And it did break me. I'm broken, Tobias. And I don't know what to do." She sobs.

I wrap her in my arms, also crying. She clutches the shirt I am wearing in her hand and sobs into me.

"It's okay. You're free now. I'm going to look after you. I'm sorry. I love you. I've always loved you. I'll make sure nothing bad happens to you again. I promise."

I keep saying soothing things to her.

At least I think they're soothing.

She's gone through too much that I don't know if she can ever get back to the way she used to be, before the war.

But I'm going to be here for her. Every step of the way. Through everything.

She's been beaten. Tortured. Sent through way too many fear landscapes. She's lost two children, one of which was mine. And I wasn't there for her.

She's only eighteen years old.

She shouldn't have to go through all of that stuff.

She's so young.

She's so brave.

I love her.

I'm going to look after her.

Protect her.

Make sure nothing bad ever happens to her again.

And I'm going to kill David.

Even if it's the last thing I do.

**Hey Ravens, so this was meant to be two chapters but I thought I'd make a really long chapter instead. **

**I hope you liked it.**

**I will update again as soon as I can.**

**Please review!**


	2. Why me?

Alive

Chapter 2: Why me?

I wake up to someone rubbing my stomach gently. I look over and find Tobias staring at my stomach sadly, tears in his eyes, his large, calloused hand rubbing it in small, calm circles.

"Hey." I whisper gently.

He looks at me with a sad smile on his face.

"Hey. Sorry." He removes his hand from my stomach and lays down properly again, facing me.

"It's fine. I do it all the time." I admit.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I should have been there. I should have stayed with you in the Bureau."

"It's not your fault Tobias. If it wasn't me it would have been Caleb. I was dying after he shot me, but he used some stupid medicine thing and it healed me then he did what he did."

"I should have known you weren't actually dead."

"There was no way you could have known, he covered it up too well."

A tear slides down his cheek and I rub it away.

"Please don't cry."

"I'll try not to." He laughs slightly and I laugh too, for the first time in two years. "I love you, Tris."

"I love you, too."

We kiss and it feels like our first. We haven't kissed in two years. We haven't done anything in two years.

Because of David.

Though I do blame myself.

I went into the weapons lab.

That's how David was able to hold me captive.

"Are you hungry? I'll go and make some breakfast for all of us."

I nod and he gets out of bed, he holds out his hand and I take it.

He helps me up and we walk into the living room, hand in hand, to find my parents and Uriah sitting on the large sofa, watching TV quietly.

I sit on the other sofa whilst Tobias asks what everyone wants for breakfast and heads to the kitchen to make it.

"Did you tell him?" Mum asks me.

I just nod.

We eat breakfast and afterwards Tobias tells us what's been going on in the city.

Shauna and Zeke are married, Shauna can walk again thanks to some medication my brother made her. Caleb is married to Susan, our old friend from Abnegation. They have a one year old daughter named Beatrice Natalie Prior. I'm an aunt. Christina is single. Amar and George got married.

The bigger things are that the faction system is still in place but you are allowed to go to the other factions whenever you want, therefore 'Faction before Blood' no longer exists. The factions work more towards their manifestos rather than what the previous government wanted. Each faction has two leaders who meet once a week to discuss things in the city and ways to improve the lives of its inhabitants. The factionless sector also no longer exists. The people who were factionless were able to go to any faction they wanted and train before taking up a job. There will be no more factionless people in the future.

When you're sixteen you still have to take a test and you still get to pick a faction but you no longer have to worry about not making it and you can see your family whenever.

Evelyn left as part of a peace treaty with Marcus and Johanna, but she is allowed back in six months' time so long as she stays peaceful and doesn't start any other disagreements, or wars, with the city. Marcus is no longer leader but still resides in Abnegation. He has no contact with Tobias.

"So, you all need some clothes so I will go shopping to get you some. What sizes are you all?" Tobias asks.

We tell him our sizes and he says he'll be back in a few hours before kissing me sweetly and leaving the apartment, locking the door behind him.

The four of us sit there, watching TV for about half an hour before I start yawning.

"Beatrice, honey, why don't you go and get some sleep?" My mum suggests.

I nod and walk into Tobias' bedroom, closing the door behind me.

I climb into the bed and fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

…

I don't know how long I've been asleep for when I wake up with a horrible pain in my stomach.

It goes away after a minute and I try to go back to sleep, noticing I have only slept for about an hour.

But I wake up with another pain in my stomach and water running down my leg twenty minutes later and I realise what is happening straight away.

"Mummy!" I yell.

This can't be happening.

Not now.

I didn't even know.

My mum, dad and Uriah come rushing into the room and run over to me when they see the tears lining my cheeks.

"What is it, sweetie?" Mum asks, wiping some tears off my cheek.

"I'm pregnant. And I'm in labour."

They look at me, shocked.

I can't do this.

Tobias is going to be back soon.

I can't give birth to someone else's baby in front of him.

That is when they step into action.

Why me?

**Hey Ravens, how'd you like the twist?**

**I will update again as soon as I can.**

**Please review!**


	3. Why her?

Alive

Chapter 3: Why her?

Tobias' POV:

When I get through the door of my apartment after three hours of shopping, the first thing I hear is a familiar voice crying out in pain. Tris.

I kick the door shut and drop the bags on the floor, running to the closed door of my bedroom. But Uriah beats me to it and blocks my path to the door.

"Move out of my way, Tris is in pain." I tell him in my instructor voice.

"I know. And it's going to last for quite a few hours. You can't go in there."

"Why not?"

"Because she's in labour."

"What?"

"Look, none of us knew she was pregnant. But she is, and she's giving birth right now. You can't go in there."

"Are you telling me they started raping her again?"

"Yeah, about seven months ago. And this baby isn't very likely to survive either, so you can't go in there. We've all seen what losing a child does to her and we broke with her. You can't go in there because when that baby is born, and it's not breathing, she needs someone to be strong for her. We need that person to be you. So, you can't go in there because if you do, you won't be able to handle it, you won't be able to help her."

"Why isn't the baby going to survive?"

"At the most she is seven months pregnant, meaning the baby hasn't developed fully. Recently David has been treating her a lot worse than he used to. Beating her more, torturing her more, and giving her less and less food to eat. She's not healthy. That baby isn't healthy. That baby will die. She is going to break even more than she is already broken. We don't have the right equipment to treat her or the baby and you're the only one who knows we're alive. She needs someone to help her get through it, and trust me, if you go in there when she gives birth to someone else's dead baby, you will break with her. You won't be able to give her the help she needs. She needs you to be strong for her and you won't be able to do that if you witness what is going to happen. When she last gave birth the baby was alive and then David slit it's throat in front of all of us. We tried to be strong for her. She was crying and sobbing and it was the worst pain I had ever seen her go through, it was the worst thing I have ever witnessed in my life. It broke me. It broke her parents. It broke her. If you go in there she has no one else to be strong for her. She needs you. So you can't go in there."

Tris cries out in pain again and I know she needs me.

"I can be strong for her."

"Really? Because I thought that, too. We all did. We watched her break more and more in front of us and it broke us. First, she was being beaten and tortured. Then she thought she was pregnant with your child, she was at least slightly happy. Then David stabbed her and she lost your baby. She broke. She was beaten and tortured some more. She started getting raped. She got pregnant again. She gave birth. He killed her baby. She broke more and more. And she continued breaking until we got out. And now she's going to break some more, because she's pregnant again and she's giving birth to a dead baby, and she needs someone to be strong for her, to be there for her without breaking with her. She needs you. So, don't go in there. Or she won't have anyone. So stay out here and try to bear her crying out in pain. You'll know when it's over with when there's silence and she is no longer in pain. But she will start breaking, and that is when you need to help her. It made it worse for us because we were there when she gave birth, in the same room. We saw the baby move, and we heard her cry. If you wait, and go in there after you won't be impacted as much. Sure, you'll be upset because she's breaking, but you can be strong for her because you didn't witness the whole thing."

"You can't stop me from going in there."

"How about if I go in and see if she wants you?"

I nod and he enters the room, I catch a brief glimpse of Tris before she starts crying out in pain.

I hear Uriah ask if she wants me.

"No, he can't come in here. He can't see me like this. He can't see me have someone else's baby."

Uriah walks back out, shutting the door behind him.

I feel tears pool in my eyes. This is all David's fault. I swear to god if he ever comes near her again, I will kill him.

I walk into the kitchen and grab a cola out the fridge.

Why her?

…

Eight hours later is when Tris' cries of pain stop.

There's nothing for a little while after that.

And then: "No. No. No. No. No!" I hear Tris start sobbing and make a break for it.

I run into the bedroom to find her crying into her father's shirt whilst Natalie wraps the lifeless, tiny baby in a black blanket with tears in her eyes.

Natalie looks at me with sadness in her eyes as she picks up the baby and asks Tris if she wants to hold her dead daughter.

Tris shakes her head and Natalie walks past me with the little girl in her arms. I catch a look at the baby. She has Tris' blonde hair, and her lips and nose. She looks beautiful.

I feel tears pool in my eyes again as I make my way to Tris and her father. I sit on the bed, on the side Andrew isn't sitting on and I take Tris' hand in mine.

She looks at me with bloodshot eyes and red cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise, Tris. It's not your fault."

She lets go of Andrew, who is crying at the loss of another grandchild, and clutches my shirt in her free hand, tucking her head into my chest and crying into it.

I wrap my free arm around her and rub her back, kissing the top of her head as a tear slips out of my eye.

She's too broken. She's been through too much. I just have to be here, for her. Helping her. Maybe I can get the old her back, or some of the old her back. I will try my hardest to help her get back to herself, I know she will still have the pain of losing three children in her, I know she will still have those horrible memories. But I will help her. I will be here for her. I will do everything I can for her.

Because I love her.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**I will update again as soon as I can.**

**Please review!**


	4. Message

Alive

Chapter 4: Message

Two hours have passed since I gave birth to the dead daughter I didn't know about. Tobias bathed me whilst my parents changed the sheets of the bed. He gasped when he saw all of the scars on my body, not being able to see all of them before. I know he blames himself for what happened to me, but it's not his fault. If it's anyone's fault, it was mine. I went into the weapons lab instead of Caleb, no one else did. Me. It's my fault.

But if I didn't go in there I wouldn't have been able to see my parents or Uriah again.

So in a way I'm glad that I did go in there.

I saved my brother and saw my parents and Uriah. Alive and well.

Right now I am lying on Tobias' bed, trying to sleep but failing. Silent tears are making their ways down my cheeks. I am wearing one of Tobias' t-shirts. It smells of him. Safe.

I hear the door open and I slowly turn to lay on my back. My stomach is still sore so I need to move slowly.

I see Tobias enter the room, closing the door gently with the heel of his foot and walking over to me with a tray of food in his hands.

He places the tray on the bed and helps me sit up with my back against the headboard, he wipes the tears off my cheeks and puts the tray of food on my lap.

There is a plate with a hamburger and some chips on it. Another plate with a slice of Dauntless cake. Chocolate flavoured. And a glass of orange juice.

"I remember it was your favourite meal when you were here, and I got the orange juice because you need the vitamins. I want you to be healthy again." He explains.

"Thank you." I speak quietly.

He sits down next to me as I eat. His back also leaning against the headboard.

I manage to eat it all, there wasn't much on there anyway. I'm also slightly hungry. Giving birth does that. It makes you hungry.

When I'm finished he removes the tray from my lap and places it on his bedside cabinet.

"You know, Tris, you will have a baby one day. I promise. A baby that is happy and healthy. I will do everything in my power to make you happy. I will give you anything I can. I will make sure you're happy and healthy. I will make sure you have a better life than you have done so far. I will do anything for you, Tris. I love you."

"I love you, too. But you don't know if I will have a baby or not."

"I do, because I will do anything I can to make sure you have one. And I'm not trying to be rude. I know you're probably not ready for _that _yet. But whenever you're ready, I will be ready. I want a family with you Tris. I'm angry that _he _killed our baby and your other babies. I want our baby back. I want you to be happy. I will do anything to make you happy. And to give you a baby, our baby. I just want you to be happy and healthy again, Tris. I have gone two years without you. You have gone through things someone of your age shouldn't even be able to imagine. And I'm going to help you, through everything. I promise."

He's crying. And so am I.

He wraps his arms around me and we cry together. For the second night in a row.

"I want our baby." I cry into him.

"I know, I do, too. But we will have a baby one day. I promise."

Just then someone barges into the room.

"Sorry, but you're gonna want to come and see this." Uriah says.

Tobias helps me up and into the living room where my parents are looking at the TV in fear.

I look at it and find David staring back at me.

No.

"Hello, people of Chicago. Not all of you know me but I know a selected few do. Four of my prisoners escaped yesterday and I know they came here, because this was their home. Their names are Beatrice Prior, Natalie Prior, Andrew Prior and Uriah Pedrad. To all of you that thought they were dead, well, they're not. Surprise! And they're back in your city. Now it's a shame that I have to do this but, you see, I am declaring war on the city you live in and I will kill them and anyone who helps them. Or, you could send them back to me now and you won't have to worry about a war. Because I will have what I need. If they aren't with me by the end on the week, so by Saturday, I will send out another video, like this one, properly declaring war on all of you. And you will all die. Let's hope it will never come to that, eh. See you soon, maybe."

The screen goes black.

And so does my world.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**I will update again as soon as I can.**

**Please review!**


	5. Questions

Alive

Chapter 5: Questions

I open my eyes to find myself in Tobias' bed. Alone. I hear voices in the next room, some that I haven't heard in years.

I hear the door open quietly and see Tobias standing there. He smiles slightly when he sees that I am awake, he walks over to me, sitting next to me on the bed.

"Hey, how're you feeling?" He asks sweetly as his thumb glides over my cheek as his hand rests by my ear.

"Tired. Scared. Hungry. Is that Christina I hear?"

"Yeah, after the video was shown, everywhere our friends decided to come and see if I was okay. Then they saw Uriah and your parents and wondered if you were here too, I said yeah but you were sleeping."

"Who's here?"

"Christina, Zeke, Shauna, Caleb, Cara, Hana, Amar, and George. Do you want to go and see them?"

I nod.

He helps me stand and put some shorts on with the t-shirt that I am wearing before leading me into the living room, holding my hand the entire way.

When we get there I see my parents and Caleb crying with my parents as Cara watches, smiling sadly, with a one year old girl in her arms. My niece. Everyone else is surrounding Uriah.

Christina is the first to see me and she squeals before running over to me and wrapping her arms around me tightly. The impacts hurts my already sore stomach and I groan. She pulls away with an apologetic look on her face.

"Sorry. I didn't know you were in pain." She apologises.

"It's fine." I reply, rubbing my stomach gently.

Caleb is the next to hug me, he's crying and it isn't long before the waterworks hit me as well.

"I missed you, sis."

"I missed you, too, Caleb."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you take my place."

"It's fine. If it wasn't me it would have been you."

"I would have rather gone through whatever he put you through than have you go through it."

I look at Tobias and mouth to him: 'Did you tell them anything?'

He shakes his head and I say thank you before looking at Caleb again.

"What did he do to you, Tris? You're too skinny and covered in scars and bruises."

"Caleb, I'm sure she'll tell you all in her own time, just leave her be." Tobias says as I start sobbing into my brother's shoulder.

"Wait, she told you?" Caleb asks, sounding angry.

"Yeah, and I know you probably don't want to hear about half of the stuff that bastard put her through, so why don't you drop it until she's ready to talk." Tobias is also angry.

Caleb lets go of me and looks at my face, my wet, red, sore face.

Everyone hugs me as I continue to cry and we all sit in various places in the room. I sit on the larger sofa with my parents and Tobias. Caleb and Cara sit on the love seat. Shauna in the single arm chair. Everyone else on the floor. My mum is holding Caleb's and Cara's daughter at the moment. Smiling.

Tobias made me a sandwich just now so I am eating it whilst everyone else talks. I'm really not in the mood to talk right now. I have to admit to feeling a little jealous that my brother has a healthy baby and I've lost three. It really doesn't help that my niece is right next to me, on my mum's lap.

"What are we gonna do about David?" Zeke asks.

"I don't know. But we have to protect these four. They aren't in any condition to fight. We have to keep them safe and protected. Make sure no one gets to them. Shauna, it probably isn't a good idea if you fight as well. We have to prepare people for a war. We need the Dauntless, and some people from other factions as well. We don't know how large their army is so we need numbers. Caleb, Cara, they're probably going to have some serums so I suggest you make some. As long as they don't spread and can be administered in a way that won't affect the people of this city. We need a plan." Tobias answers.

Beatrice starts crying and Cara stands, taking her from my mum's arms.

"Is it okay if I go in your room to change her?" She asks Tobias, who nods in reply.

She takes the baby into Tobias' room with the changing bag.

I put my empty plate on the coffee table and listen as everyone tries to come up with a plan.

Cara comes back into the room with her child in her arms, before she sits down she looks at me.

"Do you want to hold her, Tris?" She questions.

I feel tears form in my eyes again.

"Cara, don't ask her something like that?" Uriah says with sadness in his voice.

I want to hold her.

She's my niece.

I'm her aunt.

I should hold her.

But I can't.

I can't stop thinking about my babies.

The ones I've lost.

One of whom was Tobias'.

One of whom I gave birth to only a few hours ago.

I shake my head and stand, rushing to Tobias' bedroom and slamming the door behind me.

I climb under the covers on the bed and I sob.

I hear a knock on the door.

"Tris, can I come in, please?" It's Christina.

"Christina, leave her alone. Give her some time. Please." Tobias says.

"I'm her best friend. She should be able to talk to me. Right?"

"Chris, please just give her some time. You don't know what she's been through, or what she's going through right now. I've been with her the last two years and she's been through more than any eighteen year old should ever have to go through. So give her some time." That was Uriah.

"I just want to see if she's all right."

"Well, she's not, okay! She'll tell you what is going on in her own time. You know that she's been tortured and beaten like the others have, but you know she's had it worse. So please, leave her alone. You wouldn't understand what she's going through right now because I know it hasn't happened to you. So leave her alone. She needs time." Tobias.

"I'm her friend." Christina.

"I know. But she's been gone for two years and things worse than you could imagine have happened to her so please give her time." Tobias.

"I just want to talk to her, _Four_." Christina.

"Can't you see that she doesn't want to talk? She wasn't talking the whole time she was in the room with us. And don't use that name against me. I thought you were all calling me Tobias now." Tobias.

"Yeah, well, you won't let me speak to my best friend." Christina.

"She would have answered you if she wanted to speak." Tobias.

"Guys, calm down." Cara.

"Maybe you shouldn't have asked Tris that bloody question." Tobias.

"I just asked if Tris wanted to hold Beatrice. She is her aunt after all." Cara.

"But you don't know what she's been through." Uriah.

"What's so bad that you don't even want to hold your own niece?" Cara.

It's silent.

"She'll tell you in her own time." Tobias.

"I want to know why she doesn't want to hold her niece. Does she want a relationship with her? Does she want to be a good aunt?" Cara.

"Don't even go there." Uriah.

"What? It's a reasonable question." Cara.

"Can I please just speak to Tris?" Christina.

"No!" Tobias and Uriah.

"Tobias, can you let me in, please?" Mum.

"Sure Natalie." Tobias.

The door opens, my mum comes in, and Tobias shuts the door again.

My mum comes over and climbs into the bed, next to me. She wraps her arms around me and I cry into her.

"Why'd she get to go in?" Christina.

"Because she knows what Tris has been through, and she's her mum." Tobias.

"Calm down, sweetie, I'm here." Mum.

"I haven't seen my best friend in years, I just want to talk." Christina.

"I want to know why she isn't holding my baby." Cara.

"Cara, please stop talking about your healthy child." Uriah.

"Why?" Cara.

"I just want them to stop, mummy." I tell my mum.

She nods and gets out of the bed, walking over to the door. She opens it.

"Please stop. You're upsetting Tris." Mum says.

But that gives Christina and Cara time to enter the room, no matter how much the boys try and stop them.

Beatrice is in Cara's arms and I look away, stuffing my wet face in the pillow and crying some more.

"You two, get out." Tobias.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn my face slightly to see Christina sitting on the bed, looking at me sadly.

"What's going on, Tris?" She asks me.

"I-I can't t-tell you." I choke out.

"Why? I'm your best friend. You can trust me."

"I just can't. O-okay."

I feel a small weight being put onto the bed and the weight move towards me.

I turn so I am fully on my side and see Beatrice crawling towards me.

No.

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

Uriah runs over and picks her up off the bed, giving her back to Cara.

"Please don't force her into that." He says.

"Why not? She needs to be an aunt." Cara.

"No, she needs space and time. So please, go." Tobias.

"Tris, what's so wrong that you can't hold your niece?" Cara.

I shake my head.

Cara places Beatrice on the bed again, right in front of me.

Beatrice puts her little hand on my cheek and wipes the tears away.

But I just cry more, and more, and more.

The little girl wraps an arm around my neck and hugs me. She is laying on her side as well.

She's very fidgety.

Her little foot accidently kicks my stomach and I cry out in pain.

Tobias rushes forward and takes Beatrice back to Cara before coming back to me to see if I'm okay.

I'm lying there, holding my stomach, crying out in pain and sorrow, and they're still asking questions. Tobias wraps his arms around me.

I hear the door shut and the room is silent.

They've left.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Tris."

"I should tell them."

"You don't have to tell them unless you want to, Tris. You can't let them force you. I know I kinda did, and I'm sorry for that. They shouldn't have kept bothering you like that."

"If I don't tell them they'll keep bothering me. If I don't tell them, I will still not be able to hold my own niece. If I don't tell them they will do things or say things without knowing how upset it makes me. You didn't force me. I knew I needed to tell you considering some of it involved you. I needed you to know because I need you."

"And I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. I love you."

"I love you, too."

**Hey Ravens.**

**Someone reviewed asking how old I am, here is the answer: I am 16, but I will turn 17 on July 3****rd****. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	6. Telling

Alive

Chapter 6: Telling

The next day I wake up to Tobias changing his grey t-shirt to a black one. His muscles look the same as they did two years ago. If not, bigger.

"Tobias." I call out.

He turns to me just as he finishes pulling down his fresh t-shirt. He smiles slightly and walks over to me.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" He asks gently.

"Tired. Sore. Hungry. Upset. You know, the usual."

"Does your belly still hurt?"

I nod.

"Is it supposed to hurt for this long after giving birth?"

"I don't know. It hurt for a while last time as well. It's probably because I haven't been eating much or something. It didn't help that everyone kept hugging me and Beatrice kicked me yesterday." I tell him, trying not to cry.

"Do you want me to get you something to eat?"

I nod.

"What do you want?"

"French toast, please."

"Okay. You wanna go and sit in the front room?"

I nod and he helps me up, leading me to the front room.

My parents and Uriah are watching the TV, sitting on the large sofa. I join them, sitting between my parents whilst Tobias makes breakfast.

We eat breakfast in silence, not an awkward silence though, a silence when we don't really know what to say but it's comfortable.

When we are done Tobias goes to wash the dishes but I need to talk to him. I push myself up and walk to the kitchen, my hand resting on my sore stomach.

"Tobias." He looks at me, I'm standing in the door frame.

"Tris, you should be resting." He dries his hands and comes over to me, sitting me down on a chair at the kitchen table.

He sits in the chair next to me.

"When you're done washing up could you call everyone round again? Tell them I'm going to tell them everything."

"Tris, you don't have to do that unless you want to."

"I need to, Tobias. If I don't I probably won't be able to tell them, ever. I probably won't be able to hold Beatrice. I'll keep getting upset over things that don't sound upsetting to them because they don't understand. I need to tell them, Tobias. And I need to get it over with because if I don't do it now then they will never know and they'll keep doing things to make me upset without realising it. Knowing Christina she'll probably ask if we've had sex or whatever since I got back, or if we're planning on having children. Zeke will probably do the same. Cara will keep bothering me about Beatrice. Caleb will probably join her. I just need to do this, now."

"Are you sure?"

"I need to do this."

"Okay. I'll call them after I'm done. What time do you want them to come round?"

"About one."

"Okay. Do you want me to tell Caleb and Cara not to bring Beatrice?"

"Uh… y-no."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, they can bring Beatrice. Maybe the more time I spend with her the sooner I'll be able to hold her. I'm going to go and get ready."

He nods and helps me stand. I walk to our bedroom, holding my stomach again.

I shower, wash, brush my teeth and get dressed into some underwear, a bra, some black leggings, and one of Tobias' long sleeved shirts, which is also black. My hair has grown back over the last two years so I brush the knots out of it and tie it into a ponytail. I spray on some deodorant and leave the room, my parents and Uriah are still watching TV.

…

It's one o'clock and everyone is here. Waiting for me to tell them the truth.

"So, what happened?" Zeke asks.

"Zeke, don't pressure her, man." Tobias says. "Tris, you don't have to do this." He whispers into my ear.

"So, you all know that I was beaten, tortured and put through simulations like these guys. I don't know who told you about that but that is all you know. You also know that we were starved, we weren't given much food, or drink, hence the reason we are so skinny. And you also know I had it much worse than them. I was given less food, I was beaten more, tortured more, put through simulations more. But there are some other things you don't know about…" I feel tears burn in my eyes just thinking about it.

"Take your time, Tris." Caleb says, he already has tears in his eyes.

"A few days before I took Caleb's place in the weapons lab… Tobias and I, you know…"

"Hey, you told me you were a virgin." Zeke yells, pointing at Tobias.

"Shut up, Zeke, that really isn't what's important right now." Tobias yells back.

"Sorry." Zeke apologises.

"Three weeks after I woke up in the room with my parents and Uriah… I started throwing up, feeling more hungry and tired than usual, and I realised I missed my period… my mum suggested I might be pregnant and that I should try and hold the sick in because we didn't know what David would do if he found out… nine weeks later I started getting a bump and I knew I really was pregnant, I had managed to hold my sick in so David didn't get suspicious of anything… I was kinda happy that I would have a little piece of Tobias, to remind me of him if I never got out of there, we were trying to escape anyways but nothing worked out… but two weeks later, when I was fourteen weeks pregnant, the gown I was forced into wearing couldn't hide my growing bump… David saw it when he came in to take me for my beating… he took a knife out of his pocket, and he stabbed me, in the stomach, right where my baby was… in front of my parents and Uriah… I had a miscarriage but because no one ever cleaned the room we were held in the blood was still there, and so was my dead baby… it got to a point where my dad had to rip off some of his gown and cover our small, lifeless baby in the corner of the room with it. But we all knew it was there." I'm crying, and I see other people crying as well.

My parents, Uriah, Tobias, Christina, Caleb, Shauna and some others.

"There's more…"

"How can there be more?" Zeke asks, angrily.

"Just listen, Zeke." Tobias says, wiping his tears off his face with the back of his hands.

"About a month after I lost our baby David started getting random men to… rape me. Without protection… it wasn't long before I got pregnant again… I was angry, I couldn't handle it… I didn't want to have a child that wasn't Tobias'… David let the baby live, throughout the nine months you're supposed to be pregnant for. I don't know how it did live that long… the beatings and everything got worse. I was given less food… I knew he was planning something… I knew he was going to make me angrier than I already was… I knew he was going to break me more than he already had… I went into labour, my parents and Uriah were the only ones who helped me… it lasted hours… b-but when I had my little girl in my arms David came in… and he took her from me… and he slit her throat, right in front of us… he dropped her on the floor and left… I realised he only let the baby live that long to break me… so it wasn't Tobias' child I would give birth to… my first child would be because a guy raped me and not because I love the person I had sex with… And it did break me… my dad had to rip more of his gown off, to cover up the baby, who was in the same corner that my other child was in…" I'm crying more and more, so is everyone else.

"I'm gonna kill him!" Zeke yells.

"Is there more?" Chris asks, hoping the answer is no.

I nod.

"About seven months ago David started getting more guys to rape me… the beatings and everything got worse, a lot worse… we found an opportunity to escape… and we did… we came here… the day after we got here I started getting pains in my belly… I was sleeping and something wet started came down my legs, whilst another pain went through my stomach… I knew I was in labour straight away… but I didn't know I was pregnant… Tobias was out shopping when it started, he was getting us all some clothes… when he came back I didn't let him in the room… I just couldn't let him witness me giving birth to someone else's baby… I knew my baby wouldn't live… at the most I was seven months pregnant… and I was treated worse, more beatings, more torture, less food… when she was born she wasn't breathing… and it broke me more and more… and that's why I didn't want to hold Beatrice yesterday… and why my stomach hurts… and why I'm covered in scars and bruises… and why I'm broken."

I start sobbing and Tobias wraps his arms around me.

"Tris, I'm sorry. If I knew I wouldn't have kept bothering you yesterday." Cara says.

"I'm sorry, too." Christina agrees.

I know they're all crying. I can hear their sniffles.

"May I ask how he beat you all, and tortured you?" Caleb asks in a concerned voice.

Tobias doesn't even know this.

"He punched us… kicked us… whipped us, sometimes with a normal belt, other times with a belt that had nails in it… burnt us with hot metal… electrocuted us, sometimes when we were coated in water, other times when we weren't… the simulations, and fear landscapes were another form of torture, but he was testing us as well… he threw us around… he got people to rape Tris, as you know… and some other things." Uriah answers, crying.

Hana stands and hugs Uriah, she is also crying. Like everyone else in the room. Well, apart from Beatrice who is asleep in Cara's arms.

"I'm gonna kill him! I swear to god I'm gonna kill him!" Zeke yells, angry. Still angry.

"What are we gonna do? We can't send them back to him. We weren't going to do that anyway. But they can't fight in the war. Which will be declared in three days as we're not going to send them back." Christina says.

"We have three days to come up with a plan then. All I know is that David and whoever helped him has to die." Tobias says, still holding me in his arms.

I know that when he says whoever helped him he means anyone who raped me, and whoever was behind this plan of David's.

I feel bile rising up my throat and jump out of his arms, running through his bedroom to the en-suite. I manage to get to the toilet before puking.

When I'm done I lean my sore back against the wall and sob, tucking my knees to my chest and leaning my head on them as tears leave my eyes.

I hear someone enter the room and I look up to find Caleb standing there, in the doorway, tears pouring down his face. He holds Beatrice in his arms.

He slowly walks over to me and sits next to me, Beatrice in his lap. She is now awake.

"I can't believe you went through all of that stuff because of me."

"It's not because of you Caleb. I didn't know what would happen. Neither did anyone, other than David. I just didn't want you to die. I thought I was going to live, because I thought I could survive the death serum, and I did. I thought I was gonna be able to see you all again."

"But if I went in there you would have had your baby with Tobias. Maybe you would have gotten married or have another child or the way. You would be happy."

"I wouldn't be completely happy though. I wouldn't have had you, or mum, or dad, and my friends would still be dead."

"But you wouldn't have had to lose three children, or be beaten, or tortured."

"You never know, maybe I would have had a miscarriage anyway. I had PTSD, still do. That may have made me lose it."

"But you would have had Tobias here with you. You could have tried again, for another baby, with him, and not by some stranger who raped you."

"But if you went in there you wouldn't have Beatrice, you wouldn't be married to Cara."

"Tris, I would rather you be happy, healthy and safe. I would rather you not have to go through all the shit you did because of that bastard. I'm sorry I betrayed you. I truly am. Jeanine was just so manipulative I thought it was the right thing to do. I love you, Tris."

"I love you, too. And I forgive you. It wasn't the worst moment of my life."

I flush the toilet, stand and wash my hands. Caleb stands up as well. Moving his daughter so she is sitting on his hip.

"You know, her first word was 'Tris'. We kept telling her about you, all of us did, then one day she just said it. Tobias cried a lot but he was probably the happiest out of all of us. Tobias and Beatrice are like best friends, I know that may sound weird considering the age difference but she reminds us all of you. He probably has a better bond with her than I do."

I look at the little girl in my brother's arms and notice some similarities between me and her. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. She looks like a curious girl, but there's some bravery in there.

"Do you want to hold her? You don't have to."

I nod.

I do want to hold her.

Caleb walks over to me, slowly, and he places the little girl in my open arms. I hold her the way Caleb did. So she is sitting on my hip.

She looks at me with curious eyes. She lifts her small hand up and wipes my tears away, like she did yesterday.

I smile sadly at her.

I walk to the bed with her still in my arms. I sit and place her on my legs.

"Hi, I'm Tris." I say softly.

"Tris?"

I nod.

"You sad."

I smile slightly.

"Yeah, I just missed a lot of people while I was away."

"Where?"

This little girl is extremely clever. Though she does have two Erudite parents so it's not surprising.

"I was working. Outside the fence." I lie because she's too young to know the truth.

"You daddy sister?"

I nod.

"Uncle Toby girlfwend?"

I nod again, smiling a little brighter.

"Luv Uncle Toby?"

"I love him with all my heart. I love you, too."

"Luv you Aunt Tris."

She wraps her little arms around my neck and I wrap mine around her back.

I look at the door and see everyone standing there, still crying, like I am, but smiling slightly.

Tobias comes over to me and sits on the bed next to us.

"I love you, too, with all my heart." He whispers to me.

**Hey Ravens. **

**I will update again as soon as I can. **

**I realised that in chapter two I said Caleb was married to Susan and Susan is the mother of little Beatrice. I really meant to say Cara, so I'm sorry about that mistake. **

**Please review!**


	7. Declaring war

Alive

Chapter 7: Declaring war

Three days have gone by since I told everyone about what I went through when I was held captive by David. Everyone in Dauntless knows where we are now and have agreed to help with the war. We just have to get the rest, or most, of the city on our side.

Christina and Uriah are acting like they did back in the Bureau, inseparable. I know he has a crush on her, he told me when we were in the Bureau, after one of my beatings, he was trying to cheer me up. I told Tobias the other night and he thought they'd be a good couple, like I do, especially since she lost Will and he lost Marlene, they can help each other. But talking about Will did bring up bad memories.

Hana has checked the four of us over, she is a nurse. My parents and Uriah are fine, other than being malnourished, but it's getting better since we are able to eat and drink more now.

I'm malnourished, more than the others are. I have to put this medicinal cream on to help my scars, the others don't have to because theirs aren't as bad, and are properly healed. I have to because I have a lot more and some of them aren't healing very well. But I have scars everywhere so Tobias has to help me. I can't have… you know, until my down below region has healed from all the… you know, and from recently giving birth. I doubt I'll be ready for _that _for a while anyway. But Tobias is okay with that. He understands. She told me I shouldn't try for another baby for another two years so my uterus has time to heal. The stab wound from when David stabbed me to kill mine and Tobias' baby went through my uterus and it hasn't healed properly so that could have factored in my last baby's death, she's surprised the child before survived the whole nine months. Though she did say that it may have healed but the stretching may have teared it a bit and it didn't heal from that. She said that if I got pregnant before the two years were up I would have to be extremely careful, like not do anything other than go to the toilet careful so as to not put too much stress on myself and the baby.

I have to admit that I'm sad I have to wait two years to try for a baby. But then I remember that my fear of intimacy has returned, and it will give Tobias and I time to prepare. Time to talk. Time to rekindle our relationship. And other stuff.

All four of us have PTSD. Mine slightly worse than theirs yet again but we still have it.

But other than those things we're fine. I guess.

Uriah has moved in with Hana, claiming back his old bedroom. My parents still live with Tobias and me, using the guest bedroom. Christina brought me a bunch of clothes and shoes. Tobias also brought my parents and me some more clothes. Hana brought Uriah some new clothes.

Yeah, we have been given a lot of stuff, most of which are clothes.

Right now though everyone is preparing for war, other than anyone under the age of sixteen, me, Uriah and my parents. Also any pregnant females or anyone unable to fight due to injury or disability. We have people going to the other factions to try and get everyone on our side, knowing that because none of us have been returned to David that he will send out his official video declaring war upon us today.

Erudite are on our side thanks to Caleb and Cara, who happen to be the new Erudite leaders. They're making serums, weapons, and other things to help us because we know David will have some. Many of the men between the ages of sixteen and forty have also agreed to help with the fighting so we have people here in Dauntless training them the way we were trained in initiation, minus the fear sims and landscapes.

We also have Abnegation on our side since my parents were very well liked there and it is our home faction. We have some men helping to fight from there as well so we are also training them. The others are helping Erudite make weapons and serums and such.

Amity have agreed to supply us with as much peace serum as they can, hoping that would help us 'make peace' with the other side. However I have a feeling that it will be used in a different way. Though, some men from their have signed up to fight with the Dauntless so that means we have to train them as well. And some other people are helping Erudite and Abnegation with the serums and weapons.

And Candor have agreed to help with trials if need be, some men have signed up to fight so we have more people to train, some other people are helping with serums and weapons.

So yeah, we have all the factions on our side. Which is great. It means we have a large army and will have many serums and weapons ready for use.

However, those who aren't able to fight will be going to a safe house in the factionless sector. We will be given food and stuff, as well as weapons if we need to defend ourselves.

But it means I won't be able to see Tobias or my friends for a while. I will be with my parents and Uriah as well as others, but I need to be with them as well.

Though Tobias did promise that he would get me a phone so I can call him whenever I want, and he can keep me updated.

I'm just scared.

All of us not fighting will be going to the safe house tomorrow.

When I say all of us not fighting I mean, all of us. Me, Uriah, my parents, pregnant people, anyone under the age of sixteen, anyone over the age of fifty, disabled people, injured people. But those who are sick will stay in the hospitals they are in and they will be guarded. Just as the safe house will. We will also have some nurses and doctors with us, just in case.

I don't want to leave Tobias, but I know I have to.

I just don't want him to die. I don't want any of them to die.

I am cut out of my thoughts by Tobias saying my name.

"You okay?" He asks.

I nod.

My friends – no, my family are all gathered in the living room of Tobias' apartment, waiting for David's video.

And I see David on the screen.

"Hello people of Chicago, yeah, it's me again. So, no one handed Beatrice Prior, Natalie Prior, Andrew Prior or Uriah Pedrad into me. You know what this means. This is my video officially declaring war on your city. I would wish you luck but there is no point. You're not going to win and I know that. You're all going to die. See you soon."

The screen goes black.

**Hey Ravens.**

**I will update again as soon as I can. **

**Please review!**


	8. Safe house

Alive

Chapter 8: Safe house

A week ago everyone not fighting in the war, including me, my parents and Uriah, all came to the safe house. It's huge but it's okay.

It's basically anyone who didn't want to fight, anyone under the age of sixteen, disabled people, injured people, pregnant women, and us four. Along with some nurses, including Hana, because we do have heavily pregnant people and people with injuries.

I call Tobias every night. Last night he told me that Evelyn is on David's side. I knew he was crying because the croak in his voice and his sniffles couldn't hide it. She's fighting with David, against us. She chose Tobias over the city and then fights against him. He's really shaken up about it and I really just wish I could be there to hold him, like he does with me when I'm upset.

And to be fair I am upset. I keep seeing pregnant women and healthy babies. I hear babies crying. I see healthy children running around, chasing each other. I see brothers and sisters helping each other. I see things that remind me of what I don't have. There is one floor everyone sleeps on which has bunk beds and cots and mattresses in. The bottom floor is where everyone eats and socializes. It's where people spend most of their days. So I see those people all the time. Those people that keep reminding me of the things I no longer have. Of my babies. Only one of whom I ever heard cry. I have found a secret place though, where I go whenever I can't handle anything anymore. I sit in the small room and cry. On my own. I think it's an old supply closet but I'm the only one who uses it now.

I am in here, crying, now. Listening to the laughs and cries outside, coming from children and adults. I hear a baby crying. Though I can't see anything other than what is in the closet, I can hear. It's not soundproof.

I start sobbing. I tuck my knees close to my chest.

I hear more and more babies cry, and children laughing and some crying.

Then I hear the door open.

I look up and find a little girl standing there, looking at me with a worried look on her face.

She comes in and closes the door. She sits on the floor in front of me, looking at me with sad eyes. She has blonde hair and green eyes. I'm still crying. She looks about five years old.

"Why you crying?" She asks.

"I've just had a tough couple of years. I'm fine, though."

"You don't look fine. I'm Eve by the way. What's your name?"

"It's nice to meet you, Eve. I'm Tris."

"Nice meeting you, Tris."

"How old are you?"

"Five. How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"Why you sad? You shouldn't be sad."

"I've just been through a lot of sad stuff. I'll be fine, though. Where's your parents?"

"My dad is fighting and my mum is having baby."

I nod, wiping my tears away but more come.

"What faction do you come from?"

"I was Abnegation but I chose Dauntless, what about you?"

"Amity. What's Dauntless like?"

"Well, it's hard work, but it's fun. You can get tattoos, piercings, dye your hair any colour you want. There's parties, celebrations, fun games that you can play. They also do amazing food. Their hamburgers, and their chocolate cake is the best, though." I smile slightly.

"It sounds cool."

"It is."

"Where's your family?"

"My parents and one of my best friends are here, with me. So is that best friend's mum. My boyfriend, and my other friends are fighting. My brother and his wife are in Erudite, making serums for the war. Their daughter is with them. And that's it."

"How old is your boyfriend?"

"Twenty."

"Is he a bit old for you?"

"No. Age doesn't matter. It's whether you love them that matters."

"Do you love him?"

"With all my heart."

"Are you happy now?"

"I'm happier than I was before. Thank you."

She hugs me, wrapping her small arms around my neck. And I hug back, smiling, but more tears slide down my cheeks.

Why can't I have this with my children?

"Why you crying again?"

"I've lost a lot of things I care about. But I'll be okay."

"What have you lost? Maybe I can help you find them."

I smile.

"I don't think you'll be able to help me. But thank you, anyway."

"Why?"

"Because they're not coming back."

"You should be happy. You shouldn't cry."

"Sometimes you can't help it."

"But everyone needs to be happy."

"I agree. But sometimes, things happen that make people sad. Horrible things. Things that shouldn't happen, but they do anyway. Do you ever feel sad?"

"Sometimes, when I'm ill. Or when my family is ill. My mummy is in pain now and it makes me sad. Why is she in pain?"

"You said she is having a baby, right?"

She nods.

"It's because when you give birth to a baby it hurts, a lot. But it's okay because at the end of it you'll have a baby. And it only lasts a little while. Your mummy is going to be okay."

She smiles slightly.

"Anyway, you should probably get back to your mummy now. I'm sure she's worried about you."

"Are you going back to your mummy?"

"Yeah. Do you want me to walk with you?" I wipe my new tears off my face.

She nods and stands up.

I stand up as well and I take her small hand in mine as I open the door.

She walks me over to where he mum is and I see a small, new born baby in the lady's arms.

"Mummy!" Eve exclaims as she lets go of my hand and runs to her mother's bedside.

"Hey Eve, this is your little sister. Her name is May."

"Hello May. It's nice to meet you. My name is Eve. This is Tris, she's my new best friend." Eve and her mum look up at me and I smile.

"Hi, my name is Tris. Your daughter found me and I thought I should bring her back to you so you wouldn't get worried. Congratulations on the baby."

"Thanks. I'm Lucy."

"It's nice to meet you, Lucy. I should probably get going. Congratulations again."

She nods with a smile on her face.

I say bye and leave.

I feel the urge to cry again but I wait until I'm at mine and Uri's bunk, mine is the one on the bottom. I collapse onto it and stuff my face into the pillow, crying.

"Beatrice darling, what's the matter?" I look to my side and see my dad kneeling next to me.

"Everything. I keep getting reminded of what happened and I can't handle it. Daddy, I want to go home."

He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head as I cry into his shoulder.

"I know you want to go home. We all do. And I know how tough it must be for you, seeing all these babies and all, it's tough for all of us. But you will have a baby, or more than one, one day Beatrice. I know you will. And you'll be the best mother there is."

"I want my babies back."

"I know you do, sweetie, and I wish you didn't lose any of them, I want you to be happy again. But you will have babies in the future. Do you want me to call Tobias for you?"

I nod and he pulls away, picking up the phone and dialling Tobias' number.

"Hello Tobias… Beatrice needs you… she's fine, just really upset, this place keeps reminding her of what she's been through."

Dad gives the phone to me and I place it against my ear.

"Tobias." I say, sniffling lightly.

_"__Tris, it's okay. Everything is going to be okay. The war is going to be over soon and you can come home, okay."_

"I want my babies back Tobias. I want our baby back."

_"__I know. I do too Tris, but we'll have children one day, I promise. I know we have to wait two years to try, but two years isn't long. We'll have children, Tris. I promise. I will do anything to make sure we have children."_

"I need you, Tobias."

_"__Do you want me to come down there for a few hours? Not much is happening right now."_

"Yes please."

_"__Okay, I'll be there soon. Be brave, Tris."_

He hangs up and I smile slightly, remembering the first time he said that to me.

…

Twenty minutes later Tobias rushes over to me, where I am still sitting on my bed, crying. He sits on the edge of the bed and wraps his arms around me.

"It's okay. Everything is going to be okay." He whispers to me, rubbing my back gently.

"I can't handle it here. It brings back too many memories." I tell him.

"I know, but I promise you will be home soon. Okay?"

"Okay. How's everyone?"

"Fine. We're all fine. We all miss you all though."

"I miss you, too. How's the war going?"

"David underestimated us. We've already wiped out a load of his followers."

"How are you coping? With Evelyn?"

"I'm fine. I'm more worried about you."

"I just want our baby back. I want a baby. I want your baby. But I have to wait two years or I'm going to be on bed rest. I can't wait two years Tobias. It will be two years of torture. Watching everyone else have kids whilst I sit around waiting, crying because I want my babies back. I just want to be able to go back to when I took Caleb's place in the weapons lab and not do it. Then we could have had our baby. But that's selfish. Caleb could have died and I wouldn't have been able to see my parents again. I just don't know what to do."

"I know. I feel the same way. But Tris, we will have a baby. I promise. And that baby, and whatever other baby we have, will be healthy, and happy, and have the best parents in the world."

I smile slightly.

"I love you, Tobias."

"I love you, too, Tris."

We sit there for a while. Like that. Crying. Talking. Kissing. Hugging. Until he has to go again.

**Hey Ravens.**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**

**P.s. I have another poll up about another possible fanfiction I might be writing. Could you answer the question please? You have until May 20****th**** to vote.**


	9. Captured

Alive

Chapter 9: Captured

A month passes by and the war is still going on. We are still in the safe house. I still keep crying. I still keep going to my little cupboard. Eve sometimes comes with me, or we sit on my bed and she tells me about her new sister or whatever. Tobias makes it his duty to come to see me at least twice a week. He met Eve a few weeks ago when she came to talk to me, I could see the sadness in his eyes when he looked at her and we talked about her and everything when she went back to her mum. We cried as well. Mourning the loss of our child, and my other children.

My friends are fine. They're all healthy and alive. David is losing more followers and we've lost hardly any compared to him.

Apparently Evelyn approached Tobias about what she was doing. She was working as a spy so she is able to pass information to our side about what David is planning. But I don't trust her. I never have and probably never will. She faked her own death and left her only son with a monster. What kind of mother does that? Then she wants to be part of Tobias' life all of a sudden. And all that shit she did during the war, and all the shit she said to me. Tobias hasn't told her what I went through, though, which is great because I don't want her to know.

It is night time. Everyone is asleep, but I'm not. I am lying on my bed. Crying.

I am lying on my side, facing my parents' bunk.

A hand goes over my mouth and someone drags me up and starts pulling me away. I thrash around, trying to get out of their strong grip. But I can't. I scream but my voice is muffled against the cold hand against my lips.

I bite one of their fingers and they pull their hand away.

"MUM!" Their hand goes on my mouth again.

My mum wakes up and sees me. She jumps out of bed and starts running towards me as I am dragged but someone knocks her out.

Her falling to the floor is the last thing I see before something pinches my neck and the blackness surrounds me.

…

I wake up to someone shaking me and calling my name.

I look up and find Tobias looking at me, worried.

I sit up and look around.

We are in a small room with nothing in it but us and a small lamp.

"Tris, are you okay?" He asks me.

I nod.

"Are you?" I ask him.

He nods.

"We're going to get out of here, I promise." He wraps his arms around me and I relax into him.

Then the door opens and David comes in, followed by Evelyn who has an evil smile on her face.

"You lied to me?" Tobias sounds sad.

"Tobias, you need to learn that this girl isn't good enough for you. I am permanent, she is only temporary. You deserve so much better than a slut like her."

"I'm sorry, but didn't you leave him with his abusive father for years after faking your own death? That doesn't sound very permanent." I reply but before I can say anything else a needle is stuck into my neck and pain rips through my entire body.

I scream and thrash about as the pain gets worse and worse. Tears pour down my cheeks. David and Evelyn are smiling but Tobias is crying, trying to help me, and trying to calm me down.

"What have you given her?" He growls at his mother.

"Torture serum. It'll wear off in a couple hours. Have fun." David and Evelyn leave.

I keep screaming but I stop thrashing when Tobias wraps his arms around me again.

I scream.

And I cry.

The pain just gets worse.

Then all of a sudden it stops and I just cry.

"That was worse that child birth." I say, my voice hoarse.

"I'm sorry, you shouldn't have gone through that." He's crying too.

"I'm sorry, about Evelyn. She's betrayed you too much."

"Well, she's not my family. You are, and so are our friends. I don't care about her."

"Yeah you do, Tobias. She's your mother, you thought she cared about you and she betrayed you. I know you're hurting. I'm sorry you have to have shit parents."

"I just hope I'm not going to be like that when it comes to our kids. That's all I know when it comes to parenting. That's all I had."

"Tobias, you won't turn out like them. I know you. You are capable of love, and care, and kindness. You are going to be a great parent. And hey, we have two years to prepare, followed by how long it takes to get me pregnant, followed by nine months."

"You're going to be an amazing mum, Tris. I love you."

"I love you, too."

We kiss and the door bangs open.

David and Evelyn come back in.

"How can you seriously be thinking about having a family with her, son? Do you want ugly kids?"

"Shut up, Evelyn. I am not your son anymore. And Tris is beautiful, she is amazing, she is a better woman than you could ever be. She would be an amazing mum, unlike you. Also, she is not a slut. Stop fucking insulting her!" Tobias yells at Evelyn.

"Bring them in." David instructs someone.

A guard walks in with a familiar bundle of cloth.

No.

The guard throws them on the ground in front of us to show us my babies, the first two. Tobias' baby being the smallest.

They leave the room and I start sobbing.

Tobias is in shock.

I turn away from my babies and continue sobbing.

He moves from my side and I turn back around to find him looking at the baby that is ours. He knows I didn't go into labour with our baby so it has to be the smaller one.

"Is this our baby?" He has tears in his eyes.

"Y-y-yeah."

A tear slips down his cheek.

He picks up our dead baby and he or she is small enough to fit in his hand.

More tears slip down his cheeks.

"Hey baby, I'm your daddy. I'm sorry I wasn't there with your mummy. To protect you and her. I'm sorry you lost your life because of that bad man. I'm sorry I let your mummy go through all of that pain. I should have known she wasn't really dead. I should have been there. I should have known. I love you and your mummy so, so much. I know your mummy loves you, too. I promise I'm going to be there to protect her from now on. I should have stayed in the Bureau. I shouldn't have gone back to the city. I shouldn't have left your mummy. Then maybe we wouldn't be in this situation right now. You would have lived. You would be happy and healthy. We would have given you everything we could. We would have protected you. And loved you. And tried to give you the best life you could ask for. We love you. We're sorry it turned out like this. I love you." He's full on crying by the end of it and I am crying harder.

He places a gentle kiss on the tiny head of our baby. Our dead baby.

Fuck, this just makes me want a baby even more.

I can't wait two years.

I can't handle this anymore.

I can't.

Tobias looks up at me before coming back over, our baby still in his hand.

He wraps his free arm around me and I cuddle into him, looking down at the body of our dead baby. I take our baby from his hand and kiss his or her forehead.

"I want a baby." I sob.

"I know. I do, too." He sobs.

"Can we tell if it's a boy or a girl?" I ask, more to myself than to him.

I bring our baby closer to my face so I can see.

It's a boy.

We were going to have a son.

"We have a son." I whisper to Tobias.

He's still our son. Whether he's dead or not. He will always be our son.

"Can we name him? I didn't name any of them."

"Gabriel, that's the name of one of the angels, he's our angel."

"Gabriel Eaton. It's nice." I'm still crying, and so is Tobias.

We sit there, crying with our dead son until we fall asleep, wondering when we will get out of here.

**Hey Ravens. How have you been? Sorry for the wait. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	10. Escaping again

Alive

Chapter 10: Escaping again

When I wake up my eyes and cheeks are sore from crying. Tobias is sitting next to me, his back leaning against the wall, he's awake and our dead baby is in his hand still. Tears still make their ways down his face as he looks at our son.

Turns out that the reason the babies aren't decaying is because David put a preservative on their bodies to torture me more. And it's working. My other baby is still on the floor in the centre of the room. Dead. My daughter. My first daughter. My second daughter is also dead, god knows where.

I sit up and lean my back against the wall, bringing my knees to my chest as more tears start to line my cheeks.

I need to get out of here. I can't stay here any longer.

Tobias wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into him. I tuck my head into the crook of his neck and cry into him.

"I want to go home." I sob.

"I know. We'll get out of here soon, I promise."

"What if he's told our friends we're dead? They won't come for us."

"Yeah, they will. The last time they told us people were dead, they weren't. They'd know better than to believe them. And the war will be over soon, David's lost too many men. We can then live our lives. Together."

That is when David and Evelyn enter the room with grins on their faces.

"How were the kids? Did they behave for mummy and daddy? Oh, wait, of course they did. They couldn't make a sound because they're dead." David jokes.

"Fuck off, David!" Tobias yells.

"Shh. Mind your language Tobias, there are young ears in the room." Evelyn laughs after saying that.

"Now, let the fun begin." David plunges a needle into my neck and pain takes over me. It's the torture serum again.

I have to get out of this. I have to use my divergence, unlike last time.

Breathe, Tris.

Breathe.

Get rid of the pain.

There is no pain.

Then it goes and David and Evelyn look at me, shocked.

Tears are still pouring down my face.

"How did you get through that today, but not yesterday?" David asks.

"I tried." I croak, my throat is sore from crying and screaming.

They leave the room, slamming the door behind them.

I look at Tobias and he is crying even more than he was when I woke up.

"I really don't like seeing, or hearing, you in pain." He cries.

"I'm okay." I'm still croaking.

Then I hear gunshots in the distance that get closer and closer.

The door bangs open and Christina, Zeke, Uriah, my parents, Amar and George rush in. They stop when they see the babies, and us.

Christina, Uriah, and my parents look like they're going to cry. Zeke, Amar and George rush over to us. Tobias orders Zeke to help me so he picks me up, bridal style. Amar and George help Tobias up and we all leave the room.

I see dead guards in the hallways and I see David and Evelyn among them.

They're gone. We won the war.

We can go home and live our lives.

We all get in a truck and Tobias, my parents, Uriah, Zeke and Christina gather around me, I am laying on the floor because I'm sore from the torture serum. Tobias and my mum hold my hands as I fall into a dreamless sleep.

…

When I wake up again I am in Tobias' apartment, staring at the words 'Fear God Alone'. I smell food being cooked in the kitchen and I climb out of bed, wearing shorts and one of Tobias' t-shirts. Someone must have changed me. I walk to the kitchen to find Tobias and my parents cooking something to eat. Pancakes.

My dad is the first to notice me and he comes over, wrapping me in his arms.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sore, tired, hungry, upset."

When we pull apart I sit at the table and wait for the pancakes to be done.

We all eat together, not really knowing what to say. But the silence isn't uncomfortable. It's nice. I'm surrounded by family. By the people I love. And I know everything is going to be okay. At least I hope it is.

…

Later that night I am trying to find some clothes to wear when I go into one of Tobias' draws to grab a t-shirt.

I pick up a black one and under it is a small, black, velvet box. My curiosity fills me and I pick it up. I open it to find the most beautiful, yet simple, ring I have ever seen. It is a silver band with a bigger black diamond on it, surrounded by a circle of small blue and grey diamonds.

I gasp and I hear the door close.

I look up and see Tobias standing there, smiling sadly at me.

"What is this?" I ask.

"It's an engagement ring." He says, I start to think of all the possibilities. Does he have another girl who he loves and wants to marry? "No, I don't." I'm confused. "You thought out loud. But no, I don't have another girl I love and want to marry."

"How long have you had it?" I ask.

"Since before I thought you were dead. I was going to propose to you when I got back to the Bureau, but instead they told me you were dead and I just couldn't bring myself to throw the ring away. I know it was silly, but I always thought you would come back to me. I couldn't quite believe you were dead. I didn't want to. I wanted you to be alive so I could marry you and have a family with you. There was a part of me that wanted you still to be alive. A big part of me. I wanted you to come back so I could propose. I had this whole big speech written down, that I had memorised, that I was going to say to you before asking you to be my wife. And I know we were young and only really knew each other for a few months, but I knew you were the only person I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I never stopped loving you. I never moved on. I only want you. And then you did come back to me. You aren't dead. But I didn't want to scare you off with everything you have been through these past two years. Without me. And god do I wish I was there with you, to help you through it all. Maybe I could have prevented some of it from happening. But instead, every year my hope for you returning dwindled, only by a little bit. I started thinking more and more that you were really gone. That you were dead. But you aren't. You're here, with me, breathing. And I still love you. I always will. I can't ever stop loving you. In fact, over those last two years, my love for you only grew stronger. You're brave, selfless, intelligent, honest and kind. You're everything to me. You are my world. I couldn't live a good life without you by my side. I had nightmares, I couldn't sleep, I barely ate, I cried more than I ever have, the only times I left the apartment was for work or to get food. There was a time, after they told me you were dead that I nearly took memory serum because I couldn't live with the fact the only person worth loving was gone, but Christina stopped me. So I wouldn't turn into someone you would hate. And I'm glad I didn't take it because otherwise I wouldn't be here right now. With you." He takes the ring from my hands and I have to say that tears are making their way down my cheeks. He gets down on one knee. "Beatrice Grace Prior, I love you, more than anything in this world. And I always will. I will do anything for you. I will love and protect you until the day I die. I really hope that the day I die, and the day you die, won't be for a while because I want to have a long life, with you. A happy life. So, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

I'm shocked. But I'm happy.

I nod my head excitedly and he smiles at me, sliding the ring onto the ring finger on my left hand. Then he stands, wraps his arms around me and kisses me. I kiss back, passionately.

"I love you, so, so much, Tobias Eaton."

"I love you too, Beatrice-soon-to-be-Eaton."

"Beatrice, Tris, Eaton, I like the sound of that."

"Me too."

We kiss again.

I have to say, this is one of the best moments of my life.

**Hey Ravens, I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry for not updating in forever. I had to revise for exams, and do the exams, but they are over now so I can update more. **

**I will update again as soon as I can. **

**Please review!**


	11. Discussions

Alive

Chapter 11: Discussion

We have been planning our wedding for a month now and things are going well. We are getting married in four weeks. I'm excited. But I'm nervous. Like most brides probably are for their wedding.

My scars have mostly healed, though some of them are deep enough to be permanent. Like the stab wound on my stomach, Hana said that one will always be there. Which I'm really not happy about. It will just keep reminding me of the baby Tobias and I lost. Some of the ones on my back are also permanent. And a few on my arms and legs and chest. But the stomach one is my least favourite out of all of them.

Today Tobias and I are just chilling at home. He has the day off work but everyone else is working so we are alone. My parents got their own apartment just down the hall from us. They didn't want to go back to Abnegation because they didn't want to be too far away from me. Also, my mum used to be Dauntless and she loves it here, my dad is warming up to it. They and Uriah have managed to go on and get jobs but I haven't because my body is in worse shape than theirs. Though, I am putting weight on so I am not too skinny anymore. Sure, you can still see my ribs and my collar bone quite a bit, but they aren't as prominent as they were when I got here.

Tobias is making lunch right now as I sit on the sofa, watching TV. I am wearing one of Tobias' grey shirts and some black yoga pants. Tobias is wearing a shirt and some jogging bottoms.

He calls me to the kitchen when he is done and I see two plates of sandwiches on the small table. As well as two glasses of apple juice.

We sit and eat, talking about whatever.

Everything is planned for the wedding. I have my dress. He has his tux. Everything is ready. We decided to get married by the Ferris wheel and our reception is going to be by the net, the one you jump into to get into Dauntless when you start initiation. Then our honeymoon is going to be in Amity, it will last a week.

"What if, after the wedding, we tried for a baby?" I ask.

"Tris, you know that is going to be risky, and it will mean you being on bed rest. You can only get up to go to the toilet, to eat, or to go on short walks. Do you really want to go through that? Even then there's a high chance of miscarriage."

"I don't care, I want to try, Tobias. I can't wait two years to have a child. I can't do that whilst I watch Beatrice grow up and feel jealous of my brother, I can't watch as our friends may start popping out children. I go out and I look at a baby and I just feel like crying. I went to get my wedding dress and the person behind the counter had her little boy in her arms because the babysitter was ill, after I paid for the dress I came home and cried. I can't live like that for two years. Watching, as everyone else has healthy babies and I don't because mine are dead." I'm crying by the end of that.

"And what if you have another miscarriage? That will just make you feel worse. Tris, I want to try for a baby, I do. More than anything. But I know that if you get pregnant before those two years then there is a really high chance of the baby dying, and you will have to go on bedrest. Tris, I can't put you through that. I love you, too much, to see you go through another loss, and I know there is a very high chance of you losing the baby if you get pregnant before those two years. To be honest, I probably wouldn't be able to cope either. So I say we wait two years, and then try. Okay?"

He's crying as well.

I know he's right. There is a high chance of miscarriage if I get pregnant before those two years are up. I will have to be on bedrest. We won't be able to cope if we lose another baby. It will make us feel worse.

But living through two years when other people are having babies, and not me, will also make me feel bad.

I nod in reply because that is the only thing I can do.

I finish my sandwich and go to our bedroom. I get into the bed and cry some more.

The bed dips and I know Tobias is here as well. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into him. I cry into his chest. Clinging onto his shirt with one hand.

"I'm sorry Tris, I just want what's best for you. I want a baby with you, I do, but it's best if we wait. And I'll be here, for you, forever. If ever you get upset I will comfort you, I promise. These two years will be tough on me as well, but we'll get through it, together."

I just nod, again.

We lay there, crying with each other, for hours. At dinner time Tobias makes a pasta bake and we eat in a comfortable silence. Then we watch films and go to bed. Falling asleep in each other's arms, like we will for the rest of our lives.

Hopefully.

**Hey Ravens, if you haven't already could you please go and read my new fanfic. It's a Divergent and Hunger Games crossover. Also, could you please go and vote in my poll, it's about what other fanfics you might want me to write, there are a list of options and you can pick up to three. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	12. Getting Married

Alive

Chapter 12: Getting Married

Four weeks fly by and today I am getting married to the love of my life. Tobias Eaton. I will be Tris Eaton. I'm excited.

Tobias stayed at Zeke's last night with the boys because apparently it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. The girls stayed with me in our apartment. We haven't talked about babies since we did four weeks ago. It just never came up again. I know what he's trying to say but I just want to have a baby.

Anyways, right now Christina, Shauna and my mum are fussing over my hair and make-up, trying to make me look pretty. The wedding is in an hour and they've been working on me for about two hours now.

"Done. Now it's time to get you in your dress." Christina tells me.

They help me into my dress, which thankfully covers all my scars. They then put my veil on and we're ready to go. They got themselves ready before making me pretty. And I do look pretty.

My dad comes to walk us to the car that will drive us to the Ferris wheel. He is walking me down the aisle.

We arrive five minutes before the wedding is due to start and we wait for the music to start playing.

The music starts and Christina is the first to walk down the aisle. Then Shauna. Then my mum. Then my dad and I.

I see Tobias standing at the altar, smiling at me. And I smile back. The Ferris wheel is behind him.

When I get to him my dad kisses my cheek, smiling, and goes to stand with mum.

I turn and face Tobias, taking his hands in mine.

This is a small wedding. Only friends and family are here.

"You look beautiful, Tris." He whispers to me.

"You look handsome, Tobias." I whisper back.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the wedding of these two wonderful people. Beatrice Grace Prior and Tobias James Eaton…" He goes on and on. We say our vows and soon we get to say, 'I do'.

"I may now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Tobias kisses me passionately and I hear cheering but I don't really pay attention to that. I pay attention to his lips on mine.

This is one of the best days of my life.

…

The reception was great. We all had a wonderful time. Drinking. Dancing. Eating cake. And many more things.

My parents have gone home, so has Caleb, Cara and Beatrice. The others said they would stay for a while longer when we said goodbye.

Tobias drives us to a little hut in Amity. It's in the orchard so it's away from civilisation. It's just us here. It's beautiful. It has three bedrooms, a nice kitchen/dining room, a living room, a large bathroom and a utility room.

As soon as we get in our bedroom, Tobias places his lips on mine and we kiss for what seems like forever, slowly moving towards the bed. I know what we have to do tonight and I'm not scared. I trust him and he trusts me.

We get lost in each other.

…

Our honeymoon was amazing. We decided to come back here at least once a year, every year. It's too beautiful to not want to come back.

But today is the day we have to go back to Dauntless.

I can't wait to see our family again. I say that because they are our family. My parents, my brother, his wife, his daughter, Christina, Uriah, Zeke, Shauna, Amar, George, and Hana. They are our family.

We get back to our apartment around lunch time and put our bags in the living room before going to the cafeteria to meet everyone.

As soon as we open the doors they squeal and rush over to us, well, my parents, Caleb and Cara just walk over to us, the rest of them squeal. We all end up in a weird group hug thing but it's okay. We're family.

We all sit down at our usual table and eat whilst talking about what happened when we were away. We don't go into detail about our honeymoon, though. It's private.

I notice that Shauna and Zeke are being unusually quiet. They aren't talking as much as they usually do.

"Why are you two so quiet?" Tobias asks, obviously noticing their odd silence as well.

Everyone stops talking and looks at us, sad.

"What's going on guys?" I question.

"Tris, Tobias, there's something we need to tell you. Just try and not be upset about it." Zeke says.

"Seriously, what's going on?" I reply.

"I'm pregnant." Shauna tells us.

"That's amazing dude." Tobias says, smiling, patting Zeke on the back. I can tell he's a little upset by it.

I can also tell that everyone's looking at me.

"Congratulations." I say, smiling a little. I am happy for them. I am. I'm just upset. "How far along are you?"

"Twelve weeks." Shauna answers. "Sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just, didn't want to upset you after everything you have been through."

"I understand. I'm happy for you, really. I just, I, need to go." I stand up and leave. I run back to the apartment with tears pouring out of my eyes.

When I get home I collapse onto the sofa and cry into the pillow.

I am happy for them, I really, honestly, am happy for them.

I hear the door open and close and someone kneeling down beside me. I take a look and find Shauna kneeling there, in front of me, looking at me sadly.

"I'm sorry. I really am happy for you."

"I know. It's okay. I understand."

"I want a baby, Shauna. I want my babies back."

"I know you do."

She wraps her arms around me and I cry into her shoulder.

We sit there for a while, me crying and her trying to comfort me.

Tobias comes in after about an hour and Shauna leaves. Then it's his turn to comfort me and I know he starts crying too.

"I'm sorry for leaving like that."

"It's okay, Tris. I understand. I'm upset, too."

We cry for what seems like hours before falling asleep.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**Can you go and do the poll on my page if you haven't already please?**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	13. Christina

Alive

Chapter 13: Christina

A week later and I am feeling better about the whole Shauna and Zeke having a baby thing. I am happy for them. They deserve this. I'm just upset it couldn't be me having a baby. But we're waiting for two years. Maybe that's what's best anyways.

Today Christina and I are going shopping because she wants to. She drags me into every store for clothes, shoes, make-up, lingerie, everything. Literally.

By the time we are done I have ten bags on each arm full of clothes which I'm probably not going to wear often. But it was fun.

We drop off my things at mine and Tobias' apartment before going to hers. We sit down on the sofa and talk over coffee and ice cream she had imported from Candor somehow.

"So, I was thinking, I know how much you and Tobias want a kid but you have to wait for two years. Why don't you adopt or get a surrogate?" She suggests before shoving a spoon of ice cream in her mouth.

I stare at her as tears fill my eyes.

"What did you just say?" I ask.

"It's just a suggestion. But you get to have a kid before those two years are over and I know how much you want one."

A tear slips out of my eye and runs down my cheek.

"And you think it's going to be that easy for me?"

"Tris, it's just a suggestion, you don't have to do it. I thought it would make you happier, to have a way of having a child."

"And if I adopt then I have to deal with the fact that someone else had that child, it won't be mine, and that someone else had a healthy baby when mine are dead. If I get a surrogate I have to deal with the fact that again someone else had that child, not me. Yeah, it will be mine biologically, but I wouldn't have gone through the pregnancy myself. All I want is to get pregnant and have a healthy baby out of it. Sure my second baby was healthy when she was born but I had to watch her be murdered. Christina, do you even understand at all? I can't do those things because I will feel useless, like I can't do the one thing that a woman is supposed to do. And I can't, not for the next two years anyway. And who knows, maybe I won't be able to get pregnant ever again. I have to go."

I stand and leave the apartment, crying the whole way home.

I enter my apartment to find Zeke, Uriah and Tobias in there, on the sofa, laughing.

When they see me they all look worried.

"Tris, honey, what's wrong?" Tobias asks, wrapping his arms around me.

I just start sobbing into him.

Christina runs in.

"Tris, I'm sorry. I just wanted to try and make you feel better."

"Chris, what did you say to her?" Tobias asks her.

"I just suggested a few ways you guys could have kids so you don't have to wait two years."

"What were they?" Tobias asks.

"Adoption or getting a surrogate."

"Christina, why did you suggest them? You know she wants to do it herself. Especially after what she's been through." Tobias.

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to make her feel better." Christina.

"Yeah, well thanks for nothing." Tobias.

"Chris, let's just go and give them some time." Uriah drags her out, Zeke leaves as well, shutting the door behind them.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such a mess." I cry.

"Hey, it's all right. You've been through so much. You're so brave."

"I don't feel brave."

"Well you are. You're amazing. I love you."

"I love you, too. But I don't know how much longer I can live like this."

"How about we give it a year and ask Hana to run some checks to see if you're healed enough to have a baby?"

I look at him.

"And what if I'm not?"

"Then we'll just have to wait a bit longer, but it's worth a shot, isn't it?"

I nod.

"So, I say we go the day after our one year wedding anniversary to ask Hana. What do you say?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

I smile and kiss him.

For the rest of the afternoon we watch movies, cuddled together on the sofa. Tobias makes us some dinner so we don't have to go down to the cafeteria. We watch another two movies before going to bed, drifting into sleep wrapped in each other's arms.

**Hey Ravens.**

**I will update again soon.**

**Please review… and go answer the poll question on my page if you haven't already, it's important.**


	14. Baby Girl, and can I?

Alive

Chapter 14: Baby Girl, and can I?

Twenty seven weeks later Shauna gives birth to a beautiful, healthy, little girl named Sophia Lynn Pedrad. Her and Zeke wanted Tobias and I to be Sophia's god parents and we gladly accepted.

Christina and I made up, thank god. She knows now not to mention things like that. She understands.

In twenty three weeks Tobias and I are going to speak to Hana about me getting pregnant a year earlier. If it's possible for me to anyway. That means there are twenty three weeks until our one year wedding anniversary. I have to say that being married to him is amazing. He is the best husband ever. He's kind, caring, sensitive, tough, he even makes me breakfast in bed sometimes.

We are all in Shauna's hospital room at the moment, marvelling over the sleeping new born that she holds in her arms. We have all had the chance to hold her. She's adorable. She's the perfect blend of Shauna and Zeke. Shauna's exhausted, I know how she feels but it hurts that I know how she feels when she has a living baby in her arms and I don't.

But I let that feeling slide because I can't live my life thinking these things. I will always mourn my babies, I will never stop thinking about them. But what's done is done and I can't change the past. No matter how much I want to. It's impossible.

After a few more minutes we all decide to leave and let Shauna get some rest. Tobias and I walk back to our apartment, hand in hand. We're both exhausted since it is like three o'clock in the morning. We cuddle up in our bed and go to sleep, not bothering to change our clothes.

…

Twenty three weeks later

…

Yesterday was mine and Tobias' one year wedding anniversary. It was amazing. He made me breakfast in bed, he got me the most beautiful charm bracelet, he took me on a date to the Ferris wheel, and to the Chasm. We had a picnic, under the stars, seated on the floor next to the large structure we climbed together back in my initiation. At the Chasm we just talked and kissed before coming home to watch a movie, have some fun if you know what I mean, and go to sleep, wrapped in the comfort of each other's arms. I got him the new combat boots he wanted.

Today Tobias and I are going to speak to Hana about the possibility of me getting pregnant now and not next year. We really want a baby. Sophia has been growing up so quickly, and Beatrice is two now, she turned two a couple of weeks ago. I'm twenty now so I think I'm of a reasonable age, I turned twenty last week, according to my mum. Tobias is twenty one but he turns twenty two next week, we looked at the records.

We are walking, hand in hand, to the infirmary. When we get there we sign in and sit in two of the chairs in the waiting room, waiting for Hana to come and get us for our appointment.

She calls us in five minutes later and we follow her to room number ten. We sit in the three chairs provided and she looks at us expectantly, but kindly.

"What can I do for you today?" She asks in a motherly tone.

"We were wondering if you could run some tests on me to see if there is any chance my body is healed enough for me to have a successful pregnancy now instead of having to wait another year." I reply.

"Okay, I can run some tests but the damage that was inflicted on your body makes it seem very unlikely for you to have kids now. But, there is a chance your body is prepared enough. I will need to take a blood test, a urine sample, an ultrasound, an x-ray and an MRI. I will also need to check your weight and measurements. It might take a while so have you booked time off work?" Tobias and I both nod, I started working in the control room with him a few months ago. "Okay, let's get to work."

She takes the blood and urine samples first. Then my weight and other measurements. She then asks me to change into a hospital gown so she can do the x-ray and MRI scan. We do those and go back to room ten, where I change, in the little bathroom attached, and hop onto the bed so she can do the ultrasound. But I don't look at the screen. Nothing is going to be there.

When she's done with that she leaves the room, telling us she's just going to get the results and that she'll be back in about ten minutes. And she is back ten minutes later, with a clipboard in her hand. We are all sat back in the chairs we were sitting in when we first got into the room.

"So, Tris, I believe that you can get pregnant now and have high chances of having a successful pregnancy. Your scar seems to have healed fine and you are healthy again. However, you do suffer from PTSD, meaning there is more stress on your body than needed, and stress is bad for pregnancies. So if you do get pregnant you have to remain as calm as you can, Tobias, if she has a nightmare you have to wake her up as soon as you can, if she has a flashback do the same, if she starts panicking then snap her out of it. Though, it is entirely possible for your scar to re-open as you get bigger so I suggest you get as much rest as you can, don't do any strenuous activity. Walking, bathing, cooking and everything should be fine. But don't carry heavy loads or bend too much, and when you find out she's pregnant, stop having sex. Eat a healthy, balanced diet. Drink plenty. Sleep plenty. Rest plenty. You should be fine. Okay?"

I can't get the smile off my face as I nod, in the corner of my eyes I can see Tobias smiling brightly as well.

We can have a baby.

"I can give you some tablets that help conception, but know that you aren't necessarily going to get pregnant on the first time. It may take a while. If you start getting symptoms you can come to me and I will run some tests. Good luck." She gets a pack of tablets from the cupboard and gives them to me. We thank her and go.

We're too happy to go anywhere else but home. And I think you know what we do when we get there.

**Hey Ravens, sorry for the wait. I have been busy. **

**Some of you weren't happy with how I made Tris react in the last chapter. I'm sorry for that, I was just trying to write what I think she would say to someone suggesting those things when she wants to do it by herself because every other time she has her child has died. She wants to bring at least one healthy child into this world without them dying straight away. So that is how I thought she would react to Christina suggesting that sort of thing to her. I'm sorry if you didn't like it but that is just how I feel she would have reacted after what she has been through. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	15. Am I?

Alive

Chapter 15: Am I?

Twelve weeks later

No matter how much we have been trying to have a baby I'm not getting pregnant. We've been trying for twelve weeks, and still, nothing. No baby. No nothing.

I feel useless. More useless than I have ever felt. I know Hana said that it may take a while for me to get pregnant but it's upsetting, for me. I know Tobias is getting upset as well but I'm in worse shape than he is. I haven't been going to work or anything. But my boss is okay with it. He says he understands.

I am sitting on the sofa right now. Tobias left for work about ten minutes ago. I am watching TV, doing nothing, wearing nothing but some black fabric shorts and one of Tobias' t-shirts.

There is a knock on the door and I get up. I open it to reveal Shauna holding little Sophia and a changing bag in her arms.

"Hey, Tris. I was wandering if you could look after Sophia for me today, I just got called into work and everyone else is at work."

"Sure." I say as she places Sophia in my arms and gives me the changing bag.

"Thank you, so much. I'll come and pick her up at about five-ish. See ya baby, love you." She kisses Sophia's head and leaves.

I close the door, place the changing bag on the little arm chair and sit back down with Sophia in my lap, facing me. She is thirty five weeks old and is adorable. She even knows how to crawl now.

"What do you want to do, sweetie?" She yawns. "You wanna go to sleep?"

I stand and take her to mine and Tobias' bedroom. I lay her on the middle of the bed and put a pillow on each side of her so she doesn't roll off. I kiss her forehead and am just about to leave when I start to feel queasy.

I rush to the en-suite bathroom and make it just in time to puke into the toilet. When I'm finally done I flush the toilet and wash my hands. I'm brushing my teeth when I start thinking.

Was that morning sickness?

Am I pregnant?

I haven't got any pregnancy tests on me.

I go to the living room and pick up the phone, I dial my parent's number.

My dad answers.

"Beatrice, are you okay?"

"Yeah, is mum there? I need her."

"Yes, let me just get her for you."

After a few seconds my mum is there.

"Hey sweetie, what do you need?"

"Uh, can you get me a pregnancy test and bring it over. I'm kinda looking after Sophia so I can't go and get one myself."

"Sure, I'll be over in a bit."

"Thanks."

I put the phone down and sit back on the sofa. Not paying attention to what is on the TV.

About five minutes later there is a knock on the door and I open it to see my mum smiling on the other side.

I let her in and she gives me the small brown bag with the test in it.

"I'll be out here, waiting. Good luck." She tells me.

"Thanks."

I go to my en-suite and take the test.

I sit on the closed toilet seat. Waiting for the test to give me an answer.

And it does. After five minutes.

The one life changing word 'pregnant' appears on the screen and I can't help but smile. Tears fill my eyes.

I'm going to be a mum. I'm actually going to be a mum.

What if the baby doesn't make it?

"Beatrice, honey, you okay?" I hear my mum ask from the other side of the door.

I stand and open the door. When she sees me she pulls me in for a hug.

"What did the test say?"

"I'm pregnant. But what if the baby doesn't make it? I can't lose another baby mum."

"And you won't. I promise. Everything is going to be okay. Why don't your dad and I take Sophia, I'll call Shauna and tell her you're upset. Then I will call Tobias and tell him you need him, okay?"

I just nod.

"Everything is going to be okay." She tells me again.

I nod again. I don't want to speak.

She takes Sophia and I sit on the sofa with the test in my hand.

Thirty minutes later Tobias rushes into the apartment.

As soon as he sees the tears on my face he runs over to me and wraps me in his arms.

"Tris, baby, what's the matter?"

"I'm pregnant."

He pulls away and looks at me with a huge, goofy smile on his face.

"Are you serious?"

I nod and he kisses me.

I just keep crying.

"Hey, what's the matter? Why are you crying?"

"What if the baby doesn't make it? I can't lose another baby, Tobias. I can't."

"Hey, everything will be fine. I promise. The baby is going to be okay. Stop stressing out about it."

I nod and he embraces me.

"I love you, Tris, and our baby." He places his hand on my belly as he says this.

"We love you, too." I tell him as I place my hand over his.

I just hope that everything is going to be okay.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**I will update again when I can.**

**Please review!**


	16. Going to Hana

Alive

Chapter 16: Going to Hana

The next day Tobias stays at home with me. We decide to go and see Hana to see if the baby is all right, and to see how far along I am. My guess is around two weeks since the last time I took a negative pregnancy test was two weeks ago. But I don't know.

I get dressed into some black leggings and a dark grey, long sleeved top. I tie my hair into a messy bun, put on my combat boots and walk into the living room to find Tobias sitting on the sofa watching TV.

"Are you ready to go?" He asks as he comes over and kisses my forehead.

"Yeah."

He turns the TV off and takes my hand in his, leading me out of the apartment and to the infirmary.

We sign in and sit in the waiting room. Waiting nervously.

"Tris, everything is going to be okay, I promise. I love you." He tells me, sensing my nervousness and how scared I am.

I just nod, tell him I love him, and place my hand on my belly instinctively.

Hana enters five minutes later and calls my name.

We stand and follow her to the same room we were in last time we had an appointment with her. Tobias holds my hand the whole time, squeezing it gently occasionally to tell me everything is going to be okay.

We sit down and she asks why we're there.

"Yesterday I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. So we thought we'd come and see you." I explain.

"Okay. Why don't you get on the bed and we'll do an ultrasound to determine if you are pregnant and how far along you are, etc."

I get on the bed and Tobias sits in the seat next to it, not letting go of my hand once. Hana sets up the machine and roll my top up so it ends just below my bra line. She squirts the gel on and does what she has to do whilst I look at the screen. Hoping to see a baby appear there.

And I do. After a few seconds a little grey blob appears in the middle of the screen. My baby. Tobias' baby. Our baby.

I'm really pregnant.

"Well, you are indeed pregnant. I'd say you're about four week along. Have you taken a pregnancy test recently? Other than the one yesterday?"

"Yeah, two weeks ago. It came out negative."

"It must have been a false negative, you can get those sometimes. Anyways, everything looks good. The baby is perfectly healthy. Just be careful, okay. Try and remain as calm as possible. Don't do too much, especially no heavy lifting or other strenuous activities. Congratulations. I'll go and get you a picture or this, and some prenatal vitamins. I would also like you to have an appointment with me once a week, just to make sure everything is going smoothly." She presses some buttons on the machine as she speaks then removes the wand and wipes my belly clean with some paper towels. She leaves the room and I look at Tobias who is smiling brightly and tears are in his eyes. Happy tears. Just like the ones that are in mine.

"We're having a baby." He breathes.

"Yeah." I reply. I roll my top down and sit up just as Hana comes back into the room with a box of vitamins and a piece of card which is the picture. She gives them to me and tells us when our next appointment is. Then we go home, together. Our home. The home that will house our child as well in eight months' time.

If all goes well anyway.

And it better because I couldn't handle losing another child when I've already lost three.

When we get home we put my vitamins in the medicine cupboard and Tobias makes lunch.

The whole time I'm just thinking about our baby. And how scared I am that something is going to go wrong.

Tobias keeps telling me that everything is going to be okay, but after everything I've been through that is incredibly hard to believe.

But I'm going to try and believe it. At least, I hope everything is going to be okay.

Everything is going to be okay, right?

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review…**

**And go and read my new hunger games fanfic, it's about Katniss realising her love for Peeta during the victory tour and she really is pregnant during the Quell and Mockingjay.**


	17. Nightmares

Alive

Chapter 17: Nightmares

_Pain rips through my stomach as Hana tells me to push and keep pushing. I do as I'm told knowing that if I do then I will have my baby after. Tobias is sitting next to me, holding my hand and telling me everything is going to be okay. _

_But I can't take it in. The pain is too much. _

_I keep pushing and pushing. Willing the pain to go away. _

_And it does. Just as I hear my baby's wails. _

_"__It's a boy." Hana tells us as she cuts the cord and wraps the little boy in a blue blanket. _

_But in speeds David. He yanks my little boy out of Hana's arms and shoots his little head before dropping him to the floor, laughing menacingly as I scream. _

I jolt awake to Tobias shaking my shoulders and calling my name. I'm ten weeks pregnant. Tears well in my eyes.

There is pain in my belly. Pain that only means one thing. Something is wrong with the baby.

I start sobbing as I clutch Tobias' hand, squeezing it through the pain.

"Tris, what's wrong?" He's worried.

"The baby." I clutch my belly and cry out a bit as the pain starts to get worse.

He understands what's happening and picks me up from the bed, rushing me to the infirmary.

When we arrive he runs over to the reception desk and we find Hana looking at some files.

"Hana, something's wrong." He pants.

She looks at us, shocked and scared, but she hurries us to a room and Tobias puts me on the bed, gently, taking my hand in his as he sits down in the chair next to me.

"What happened?" Hana asks as she sets up the ultrasound machine.

"She had a nightmare and when she woke up she was in pain." Tobias explains to her.

"Tris, I need you to calm down okay, it might just be because you're stressed. I know it's difficult but I need you to try and remain calm." Hana tells me as she lifts up my pyjama top to reveal my small baby bump which would only be noticeable if you know I were pregnant, and if I was wearing something that clung to my curves.

All of our friends, and my parents know I'm pregnant now. We told them a few weeks ago.

I try to remain calm as Hana squirts the gel on my stomach and places the wand over it, moving it around. But tears continue to fill my eyes and I don't bother looking at the screen. Too scared to see what I think is happening.

"Tris, the baby is fine, he or she is just stressed out, okay. So I need you to try and remain calm." Hana says and that is when I look at the screen and see my baby. I relax almost instantly, seeing him or her there, alive, healthy. The heartbeat fills the room. It's strong and fast. But it's fine. It's there.

She prints out a picture and wipes the goo off my belly before pulling my top down.

"I'll keep you here overnight just to make sure everything is okay. But everything looks fine so you have no reason to worry. Get some rest and you can go home in the morning, okay?"

I nod and she leaves the room, leaving the picture in my hands.

Tobias climbs into the bed, next to me, and he wraps his arms around me, resting his hand on my bump.

"What was your dream about Tris?" He asks me.

"Uh, I was giving birth. You and Hana were there with me. We had a son. But then David came in, took him, and shot him in the head before dropping him on the floor… I screamed and then I woke up."

"David can't hurt us anymore, Tris. He's dead. Everything is going to be okay. I promise. And the baby, whether it's a boy, or a girl, will be healthy, alive, and happy. I promise you. I love you, so, so much. Both you and the baby."

"We love you, too, Tobias."

Then we go to sleep. And this time I'm not awoken by nightmares.

**Hey Ravens, sorry for the short chapter. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	18. Parenthood

Alive

Chapter 18: Parenthood

My eyes open and I immediately realise that Tobias is no longer in the room. But my parents are. They are sitting on the bed, on either side of me, holding my hands, smiling sadly at me.

"Where's Tobias?" I ask, kinda scared.

"Oh, he was called into work. He didn't want to go but it was an emergency. He called us, told us what happened last night and we came straight away. But he didn't leave until we were here. He said you were allowed out today after Hana does another ultrasound. We'll take you home and he said he'd come home at lunch and have the afternoon off." I just nod at what my mum tells me.

"You feeling okay, honey?" Dad questions me with a worried smile on his face.

"Yeah. When's Hana coming?"

"She said she'd come back in an hour and that was like twenty minutes ago."

That is when I start feeling sick. I look around and see a bowl on the table next to the bed. I point to it and dad grabs it for me just in time for me to puke into it. They rub my back as I puke.

When I'm done dad puts the bowl back on the side and I collapse back into the bed.

"Do you want something to eat? I can go and ask a nurse to make you some toast or something." Mum says as she tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"Toast please."

She nods and leaves.

I start thinking about last night and I can't help but cry. Dad envelopes me in his arms and I cry into his chest.

"I was so scared, daddy. Last night."

"Hey, I know. But it's part of parenthood, being scared. I'm scared all the time that you and Caleb are going to get hurt. Have been since the days you were born. And when your mum was pregnant I was constantly scared that something was going to happen to you and your brother. I remember all those times you were running around as a kid, following the Dauntless or just because you wanted to, I was terrified you were going to fall over and hurt yourself. And sometimes you did, then I was scared, and kinda blamed myself even though I knew it wasn't my fault and you were just being the curious child you were. You still are curious, even if you're no longer a child. But you'll always be my baby and I will always be scared of something happening to you. When we were with David, before you came and we were forced to watch everything that went on with you and Caleb, we were terrified whenever you got hurt or when you nearly died. Then when you and Uriah arrived, I was terrified of David hurting you, and even Uriah. But he kept hurting you in ways that he didn't with any of the rest of us, and I was scared I was going to lose you. And every time you got pregnant I was scared I was going to lose them as well, because I am their grandfather, I don't want anything happening to them. And I know you were scared as well, that's why you tried everything you could to make David not know you were pregnant. But that's part of being a parent. Being scared. And that feeling starts as soon as you know about the child. I know you've been scared this entire pregnancy and you won't stop being scared about the wellbeing of this child and any other child you may have until the day you die, maybe even after that. Because that's parenthood. And it's also what shows you're going to be a good parent. If you're scared then you're going to do whatever you can to protect and love your child, you'll do anything to make sure they don't get hurt. And they will get hurt sometimes but it's part of life. But it is still scary. I love you, Beatrice." He kisses the top of my head.

"I love you, too, daddy."

I hear the door open and I wipe my tears as my mum comes over to me with a plate of toast in her hands. She gives it to me and sits in her original position.

"You two okay?" She asks and we nod as I take a bite of my toast. "Hana said she'd come by in about ten minutes to do the ultrasound. Then you should be able to go." I nod again and keep eating the toast.

…

As soon as I get home I plop onto the sofa and my parents go to the kitchen to make enough lunch for me, them and Tobias who should be home soon. I am wearing some shorts and a t-shirt that my parents brought to the infirmary for me.

I place my hands on my small bump and rub it lightly.

"Mummy loves you, baby." I whisper to my belly.

That is when Tobias comes into the door in a hurry. He shuts the door and rushes over to me, wrapping me in his arms.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there this morning. But I don't have to go back to work until the day after tomorrow. Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" He's going to be an amazing dad.

"Yeah, we're both fine, stop worrying."

He pulls back and looks at me with a serious, but love filled, face. "I won't ever stop worrying."

"I know. I won't ever stop worrying either."

And I kiss him with one full of love.

"I'm so glad you're okay. Both of you." He tells me as he places his hands on my belly. He also leans down and plants a gentle kiss on it. "I love you both so much."

"We love you, too, Tobias." I kiss him again, gently this time.

"Where's your parents?"

"In the kitchen making us lunch."

He nods and we snuggle together on the sofa. And I know now that we won't ever stop worrying, because we're parents now and it's part of parenthood.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**I will update again when I can. **

**If you are reading my story You and I can you please go and answer the poll question I have up on my page for it, it will help me out a lot. Thank you. **

**Please review!**


	19. Gender and a name

Alive

Chapter 19: Gender and a name

Ten weeks pass without a problem, thank god. The pregnancy is going well and I'm getting bigger and bigger as the baby grows more and more. Today we get to find out the gender of our baby. We're excited, but we're nervous at the same time. Afterwards we are meeting our friends, and my parents, in the cafeteria for lunch to tell them what we're having.

We're on our way to the appointment, Tobias and I, hand in hand. My other hands rests on my bump, rubbing it gently. We arrive at the infirmary and sign in before taking a seat in the waiting room. Hana arrives five minutes later and calls our names. We follow her to the same room we've had our appointments in since the beginning of the pregnancy.

I lay on the bed, Tobias sits in the chair next to it, holding my hand, and Hana rolls up my top so my bump is bear. She squirts on the gel and places the wand thing over it, moving it around gently.

And our baby appears on the screen.

Tears fill my eyes as I look at him or her. Happy tears. Grateful tears.

"Do you two want to know the gender?"

We don't know what to say so we just nod. She moves the wand around a bit more to get a better picture.

"Looks like you two are going to have a boy."

We're having another boy, hopefully a healthy, and alive, one this time. I look at Tobias with a smile on my face and see a smile on his as well.

We're having a son.

We're having a little boy.

…

We arrive at the cafeteria and I can't stop smiling. Neither can Tobias. Caleb, Cara and Beatrice are here as well, for the announcement.

We sit in our usual seats and everyone looks at us expectantly. Waiting for one of us to tell them what we'll be having. Waiting for us to tell them whether a boy or a girl is going to be joining our family.

"We're having a boy." I announce. They all cheer and congratulate us, everyone else in the cafeteria looks at us weirdly.

"What are you going to name him?" Christina asks as we begin to eat.

"Well that you won't know until he is born."

They all groan but they continue eating.

…

I am in our en-suite, looking at myself in the mirror above the sink. I am wearing a sports bra and some maternity yoga pants now and my bump shows clearly through it. So does the scar on it. The one from where David stabbed me and killed Gabriel. My hand is on my bump and my thumb runs across the scar that will always be there. A constant reminder of my first child, and that I lost. Of Tobias' first child. There are some other permanent scars on my arms, legs and back but that one is the most painful to remember. The scar on my forehead is also permanent but it's not as painful to remember where that one is from as it is for the one on my belly. To be honest I can't really remember when I got the one on my head, I just know I got it because David cut me there, with a knife.

The door opens and I know Tobias is in here now, I see him walk over to me in the mirror.

"Tris, are you okay?"

"Yeah, just thinking. What's for dinner?"

"I'm making some spaghetti Bolognese. It will be done soon I just thought I'd come and get you. What are you thinking about?"

"Everything. Uh, just let me get a t-shirt on and I'll meet you in the kitchen in a bit."

"Okay." He gives me a small smile, kisses my forehead and leaves. I go to the bedroom, grab one of Tobias' old grey t-shirts and slide it on, not wanting to look at the scar for too long. I go to the kitchen and find Tobias stirring the Bolognese together with the spaghetti.

I sit at the table, he dishes up and we eat together.

"What are we going to name him?" I ask.

"I don't know. What names do you like?"

"Well, I was hoping that Gabriel could be his middle name, so we have something to remember our other son by."

"That's perfect. Maybe we could have his first name after someone else. Or just pick a name that we like."

Who else have we lost that we want to remember?

Al. Will. Fernando.

Will.

William Gabriel Eaton.

If things were different, and I didn't go to the weapons lab, and we still had our first baby, I probably would have wanted to name him Caleb, or Andrew, or Uriah.

But now I think William is a good match.

"How about William Gabriel Eaton? We can call him Will for short." I suggest.

Tobias smiles at me and I can't help but smile back at him.

"Perfect. But we don't tell anyone this until he's born, right?"

"Yeah. It's just our little secret for now."

…

"Goodnight, Tris. Goodnight, William. I love you."

"Goodnight, Tobias. We love you, too."

And I drift into a peaceful sleep.

**Hey Ravens, I have to say that this fanfic is coming to an end. It will end one chapter after she gives birth as that last chapter will be an epilogue set about five or ten years later. Unless the majority of you want a sequel. I will put a poll up on my page asking if any of you want a sequel, if most of you vote for yes then I will write one. You have until the end of this story to vote, and it will finish in maybe five or so chapters.**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	20. Baby Shower

Alive

Chapter 20: Baby Shower

I am sitting on the sofa in the living room, my hands on my large bump as William keeps kicking and kicking. He's been kicking since I was seventeen weeks along, but he's kicking a lot more now. I am twenty four weeks pregnant currently, and huge. I am wearing some black maternity leggings and one of Tobias' old, dark grey hoodies that still fits me, somehow. My hair is in a messy bun because I really couldn't be asked to do anything else. Between William constantly kicking me and everything else, I've become lazy. Also sleep deprived. So I'm tired as well.

Tobias comes in from the kitchen and sits next to me, handing me the glass of water I wanted just as our son places a relatively hard kick to my side and I groan in response.

"Is he still kicking?"

"Yup." I take a gulp of water.

Tobias moves his head so he's level with me belly, he places his hand on it. "William, please stop kicking your mum. She needs some rest. Okay? We love you, baby." Surprisingly it works, our son stops kicking.

"Why does he listen to you and not me?"

"I'm his dad."

"I'm his mum. I'm the one who has to carry him for nine months then push him out of my vagina. Which hurts, a lot, by the way. He should listen to me more." I pout and Tobias laughs. "It's not funny." I smack his arm playfully but he continues to laugh.

There's a knock on the door and Tobias stands to answer it. Christina barges in and walks over to me.

"You are coming with me, now." She says.

"Why?" I moan.

"Now, that I'm not telling you. But come on."

"I'm tired. I just want to sleep. Please?"

"Nope."

"You're mean."

She drags me up, earning a glare from Tobias, and myself, and she pulls me out of the room.

"I'm heavily pregnant, you know that right? Or do you just think I'm fat?"

She stops dragging me and I'm almost tempted to go back home, but I don't, she'd just chase me and start dragging me again if I did.

I realise we're going to her apartment.

"Can I sleep when we get to your apartment?"

"Nope."

"Please? The baby keeps kicking me so I'm sleep deprived."

When we arrive I see Shauna, Cara, Beatrice and my mum in the living room with a bunch of presents, the table is covered in food and drinks and pushed against the far wall. There is a banner that reads 'Happy Baby Shower!' and there are balloons as well. Blue ones and white ones.

"A baby shower? Really? You wouldn't let me sleep for this."

I plop onto the sofa next to my mum and groan.

"Is the baby keeping you up at night?" Mum questions.

"Yeah, he won't stop kicking until Tobias asks him to."

"Present time!" Christina squeals.

They give me presents one at a time and I open them. I get:

Clothes for the baby

Bottles

Diapers

Formula milk

Dummies

A photo album to put ultrasound pictures and pictures of him growing up in

A teddy bear

Some toys

A baby bouncer

Some blankets in blue, yellow, green and black

And some other bits and pieces. Apparently the boys got some of it as well. And there's going to be another surprise for me.

We eat the food and talk about whatever, mostly the baby.

"Have you thought of a name yet?" Cara asks.

"Yeah, but we're not telling any of you until he's born. And truth serum doesn't work on me so you can't try using that to get the answer."

"Not even me, I'm his grandma after all."

"Sorry. My lips are sealed."

"How about you give us a clue?" Shauna pleads.

"Nope. I'm not saying anything. Can I go home now? I really want to sleep."

"NO!" They all yell at the same time.

"Why?"

"You'll see later. You can sleep on the sofa if you want. We'll be quiet. Or you can take my bed." Christina suggests. What the hell is going on? I can't sleep here. I might get a nightmare.

"No, I'll just sleep later. What's going on?"

"We can't tell you, you'll find out later anyways."

"Fine."

We watch a film and continue to talk for a few more hours. Then Christina gets a text or something because she tells me I can go home now and that they'll bring the presents to my place tomorrow.

I stand and leave, after saying goodbye obviously.

When I arrive home Tobias is waiting for me on the sofa, he's wearing different clothes than what he was wearing earlier. He stands and takes my hand, leading me to the spare room in the apartment. When he opens the door I'm amazed.

The boys built a nursery for the baby.

The walls are a baby blue colour and one wall has the words 'Be Brave' painted on in a darker blue. There is a white cot in the centre of the room that has a small mattress, a blue pillow and blanket in. As well as a couple of teddy bears in the bottom of it. There's a white wardrobe against the wall opposite the one with the writing on. A white changing table next to that. There's a rocking chair on one side of the cot, which is white. And an arm chair in the corner of the room. There is a toy box below the writing that looks like a treasure chest. There's a book shelf against the far wall that has some children's books on it.

It's amazing.

"Do you like it?" Tobias asks.

"I love it. Thank you." I wrap my arms around his waist and he does the same to me, it's slightly awkward since my bump is in the way, but it's perfect. It's amazing. He's amazing. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**You can still go and vote on whether you want a sequel or not. The poll is on my page. **

**Could you go and read my new Divergent fanfic Love Goes On if you haven't already, please? Thanks.**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review.**


	21. Braxton Hicks and Massages

Alive

Chapter 21: Braxton Hicks and Massages

I am now thirty three weeks pregnant and bigger than ever. But it's going to be over in seven weeks so I'm thankful for that. He's still constantly kicking me, unless Tobias tells him to stop, then he does for a few hours before starting up again. But I don't mind, it just reminds me that he's okay.

I am sitting on the sofa with my legs crossed underneath me and my hands resting on my bump, feeling as William kicks me and my ribs. Tobias comes in with a plate in his hands that has my sandwich on. He gives it to me and I place it on top of my bump, picking up the sandwich and taking a bite out of it. Tobias just laughs.

"What? It's easier than holding the plate in one hand and the sandwich in the other."

He continues to laugh anyway.

When I'm done he takes the plate back to the kitchen and comes back, wrapping his arm around me, placing his hand on my bump.

That's when I feel it. I groan as it last but Tobias just looks worried.

"Tris, are you okay? What's wrong? Is it the baby? Are you in labour? Shit. It's too early…"

"Tobias, I'm fine, the baby's fine, and everything's fine. It was just a Braxton hicks."

"A what?"

"A Braxton hicks, it's contraction that prepares the body for labour. Don't worry, the baby's not coming now. But trust me, I freaked out the first time I had one as well." I watch as he breathes a sigh of relief.

"Does it hurt?"

"Kinda, but labour is a lot worse."

"How often do they come?"

"Depends. Sometimes only once or twice an hour, sometimes only a few times a day. And they only last about thirty seconds."

He nods.

"When will you know if you're in labour?"

"When the contractions get closer together and more painful. Or when my waters break. But that shouldn't happen yet, so don't worry."

"I'm always going to worry."

"I know. I will, too."

…

My back is killing me right now. Honestly, all I want is sleep but I can't get comfortable.

Tobias sleeps next to me and I really want to wake him up so he can massage me, but I also really don't want to wake him up because he looks so sweet when he sleeps.

Damn it, I'll wake him up.

"Toby, wake up." I shake his shoulder lightly as I ask him to wake up.

When he does wake up though he looks worried.

"Tris, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"My back is killing me. Can you massage it for me, please?"

"Sure." He turns on the lamp as I take off my t-shirt, I have a sports bra on though. I sit so my back is facing him and he rubs some essential oils into his hands. "Where in your back does it hurt?"

"My lower back."

Then he starts massaging and it's amazing. I feel better almost instantly.

"Is that better?" He asks when he's done.

"Mmhmm. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

He goes to the en-suite to wash his hands. When he comes back we lie back down in bed together and his arm goes around my waist. He kisses me sweetly and says 'goodnight' again. And this time I actually go to sleep.

**Hey Ravens. Sorry for the short chapter. **

**You still have a bit of time to vote for if you want a sequel or not. The poll is on my page. **

**I will update again when I can.**

**Please review!**


	22. Labour Pains

Alive

Chapter 22: Labour Pains

I am now thirty nine weeks pregnant, so I could go into labour at any time. Tobias freaks out whenever I have a Braxton hicks now because he's knows I could actually be in labour. But I haven't gone into labour yet.

Although he is on paternity leave now he has been called into work because there's some kind of emergency and he's the only one who knows how to sort it out, apparently. He was beyond angry but he had no choice to go in. So I am at home, alone, bored out of my mind. And I don't know how long it's going to take for him to get home.

I am sitting on the sofa, watching TV, my hands rubbing my incredibly large bump. I am wearing a black maxi dress because it would help if I did go into labour. My hair is hanging over my shoulders since I am way too lazy to tie it up.

I start to get hungry so I stand and waddle into the kitchen to make a sandwich. I am only just finished making it when I feel a particularly painful contraction. I grip onto the sides as hard as I can and groan. When it's done I realise it was longer and more painful than a Braxton hicks, and it was familiar to me. The pain was familiar, just like the Braxton hicks were.

I'm in labour.

"Shit." I mutter to myself.

I sit at the kitchen table with my sandwich, knowing I'll need to eat it for the energy it will provide. Also, I'm still hungry, so I have to eat.

When I'm done I go to the kitchen and grab my phone just as another contraction races through my belly, I sit on the sofa and grip the phone, hard. Tears fill my eyes because of the pain.

I'm about to call Tobias when I notice his phone on the coffee table. He fucking left his phone here. But then I remember that he isn't allowed to take his phone into the control room. Fuck.

So I call my parents. My dad picks up.

"Beatrice, are you okay?"

"Daddy, Tobias was called into work and I'm in labour. I need you and mum to come here, now."

"Okay, sweetie. We're on our way. Just remember to breathe."

He hangs up and I put the phone down in its original place.

They arrive five minutes later, just as a contraction hits me and I cry out. They rush over to me and grab my hands, allowing me to squeeze them as I cry.

"Hey, it's okay, we're here now." Mum says.

"Why was Tobias called into work?"

"There's an emergency that apparently only he can fix. They don't allow phones in there so his is here. And I don't know how long it's going to take, he's already been there for an hour."

"Okay, I'll go get him whilst your mum gets you in bed." I nod and dad leaves after kissing my forehead. Mum helps me up and to the bedroom. She sorts out the pillows and duvet as I cling onto the mattress, standing and leaning over the bed. She helps me get comfortable on the bed when she's done sorting out a mountain of pillows and the duvet is out of the way. She grabs some towels, flannels, and a bowl of warm water just before I get another contraction. She holds my hand as I cry through the pain.

I can feel myself getting hot and sweaty already.

"Do you want me to get you some pain killers so you can get a bit of sleep?" I shake my head. "Do you want something to eat?" I nod my head. "Toast?" I nod again.

She kisses my cheek and leaves the room.

…

Tobias' POV:

I am still trying to fix the problem when Andrew comes running over to me, panicked.

"What's wrong?" I ask, worried.

"It's Tris. She's in labour."

Shit. I stand up and begin to leave when Gus, my boss, comes over to ask what I'm doing.

"I'm sorry, but my wife is in labour, and me being at the birth of my son is a lot more important than me fixing that damn problem. I'll fix it the day after tomorrow, or just try and figure it out yourself."

He looks angry but I don't care. I just leave the room in a hurry, closely followed by Andrew.

…

When I enter the bedroom I find Tris crying on the bed, eating some toast. I go over to her and sit next to her on the bed, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Sorry I wasn't here."

"It's okay." She manages to get out before her face scrunches up in pain and she cries out, I grab hold of her hand and she squeezes it, hard, but I don't care.

God, I hate seeing her in pain.

Andrew sits on the other side of her and dries some of the sweat and tears off her face with a flannel. Natalie is down at the business end, trying to figure out how far along Tris is, I'm guessing.

She finishes her toast and I put her plate on the bedside table, not letting go of her hand. I wrap my free arm around her and hold her to me, she cries into my chest, but I don't care. I start rubbing her back, knowing it must be hurting. She told me that when she's in labour her back hurts a lot, especially the lower half of her back.

"Tris, you're only two centimetres along, sweetie." Natalie informs us.

That means she has eight centimetres to go before she can push, I think. I read somewhere you have to be at ten centimetres to push. And I know labour takes a long time. So I have to see Tris in pain for hours, I'm not going to like it at all. But we'll have William in our arms after it all. Our little boy. And I will love and protect them both until the day I die.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**You still have a bit of time to vote for if you want a sequel or not, the poll is on my page. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	23. He's here

Alive

Chapter 23: He's here

After ten excruciating hours I am finally allowed to push. I push about ten times before the pain goes away and I hear my son's cries. Tobias cuts the cord with happy tears pouring down his face, and my mum wraps the baby in a dark blue towel before placing him in my arms, smiling and crying. We're all crying and smiling.

I half expect David to come in and take my son from me but he doesn't. He's dead and he can't do that now.

I look down at my baby and he's beautiful. Little curls of brown hair, Tobias' hair, sprout up on his head. His eyes are open and I see the blue/grey colour of my eyes. His little arms wave around in the air and when I put my index finger against one of his hands, his fingers wrap around it.

"He's beautiful. I'm so proud of you, Tris. Thank you. I love you both, so, so much." Tobias tells me, placing a kiss on my forehead, and our son's.

"I love you, too." I whisper back, my throat sore from crying.

"What's his name?" Mum asks me, smiling at her grandson.

"William Gabriel Eaton." I answer, in awe.

"It's perfect. He's perfect." Dad says.

My parents are the only ones who know why the name Gabriel is significant in our lives. I told them a few weeks after what happened about it.

I continue to look at my son and I thank god that he is alive and healthy. I am so happy in this moment, it's probably the happiest I've ever been.

My parents leave to give us some time alone.

"He's perfect." I say.

"Yeah, and will love and protect both of you until the day I die."

"We will always love you, too. Do you want to hold him?"

"I would love to." I carefully place William in his arms and watch as Tobias stares at our son in awe. "Hey buddy, I'm your daddy, and I love you and your mummy so much."

"You're such a good father, Tobias."

"And you're a good mother."

We spend about another half an hour just looking at our son before I'm so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open. We lay down on our sides with William in the middle of us and go to sleep. I dream of what my life can be like now.

**Hey Ravens, how are you? **

**This is the last chapter of this story but I will be doing a sequel. I will put the first chapter of the sequel up as soon as I can. **

**Please review!**


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